Hey all haha... surprisly I didn't go to the pub and get laid. I stick with my small group of straight friends to karaoke and celebrate New Year 2012.
Guess 2012 is a year for me to turn clean normal white sheet.
Yup no more local gay pub, bar, sauana( which had not visited for 4 years) and gay social app in my iphone.
Happy New Year 2012. Start to love you 2012.
Yann
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Friday, 30 December 2011
31st Dec 2011... END of the year 2011
Horay!!!! 2011 is ending soon!!! SUCKER!!! What a SHIT Year and yet have to love it as without it I wouldnt wait to love 2012 and others more!!!
So almost forget I havent get a real photo shoot album for myself this year 2011, so call out friends immediately to arrange. But those professional and good one are not free and able to make it, ended I ask a very free friend (my Secondary school classmate) to help me take using my normal camera. As I not being working for 6mths (1mth in a small shipbuilding company cant consider as I pay back the salary to the job agency), so we meet at orchard road. Had used my iphone to draw out simple sketches for him to tell him what I want the pic like. However, I didnt know his hand were very shaking... I joke to him as if he had masturbate too much and frequent. All the picture he took of me were shaking, even I stopped moving and stand still. Well, ended up took many but only a few I keep and do heavy editing on it. Anyway, still thank him and also thank him to tell me how to create timeline for my facebook.
I've being cooking dinner for my family lately, if you saw my facebook, uploading the dishes I cooked. A few times, I dont know why my mum make a big fuss of it, like small little things example today I cook traditional Chinese soup "Bak Kut Teh", and I found out our house has no dark soya sauce, so I went out and bought a small bottle. What happen next was when my mum back, she didnt say much positive words for my soup but scream (bitch) of why I bought the dark soya sauce and bla bla saying she had in the kitchen cupboard, which I found was not and the other bottles stated "Sweet Soya Sauce and Caramel Sauce" which is not "Dark Soya Sauce" I really cant stand her... but I tell myself, "Hey thats your mother and think you only have 6 more years to go and live with her, so just try to let her be and make her happy" .
Lately, been intensively using Iphone gay social app hahaha.. I love and enjoying seeing many cute white bear and on the other hand make me sad as well. Not because I gonna delete them by tonight after 2359hrs, is all the white bears lived far away from me :(. So somehow or rather, 6 years down the road I more like to move out of Singapore than just moving out from my parents and still lived in Singapore. And surprisely, my preference of chosing Australia to move in and change to America (US), like all other hollywood movies hahaha... I too join them to have the America Dreams... getting the Green Card. LOL...
6 years not too short and not too long, got to work hard on my career and wealth if you want things to happen and chase after your dreams :). Almost forgotten, tonight will go to a local gay bar for the last time and hope to hit a white bear to celebrate New Year Eve.Thats all folks!
So almost forget I havent get a real photo shoot album for myself this year 2011, so call out friends immediately to arrange. But those professional and good one are not free and able to make it, ended I ask a very free friend (my Secondary school classmate) to help me take using my normal camera. As I not being working for 6mths (1mth in a small shipbuilding company cant consider as I pay back the salary to the job agency), so we meet at orchard road. Had used my iphone to draw out simple sketches for him to tell him what I want the pic like. However, I didnt know his hand were very shaking... I joke to him as if he had masturbate too much and frequent. All the picture he took of me were shaking, even I stopped moving and stand still. Well, ended up took many but only a few I keep and do heavy editing on it. Anyway, still thank him and also thank him to tell me how to create timeline for my facebook.
I've being cooking dinner for my family lately, if you saw my facebook, uploading the dishes I cooked. A few times, I dont know why my mum make a big fuss of it, like small little things example today I cook traditional Chinese soup "Bak Kut Teh", and I found out our house has no dark soya sauce, so I went out and bought a small bottle. What happen next was when my mum back, she didnt say much positive words for my soup but scream (bitch) of why I bought the dark soya sauce and bla bla saying she had in the kitchen cupboard, which I found was not and the other bottles stated "Sweet Soya Sauce and Caramel Sauce" which is not "Dark Soya Sauce" I really cant stand her... but I tell myself, "Hey thats your mother and think you only have 6 more years to go and live with her, so just try to let her be and make her happy" .
Lately, been intensively using Iphone gay social app hahaha.. I love and enjoying seeing many cute white bear and on the other hand make me sad as well. Not because I gonna delete them by tonight after 2359hrs, is all the white bears lived far away from me :(. So somehow or rather, 6 years down the road I more like to move out of Singapore than just moving out from my parents and still lived in Singapore. And surprisely, my preference of chosing Australia to move in and change to America (US), like all other hollywood movies hahaha... I too join them to have the America Dreams... getting the Green Card. LOL...
6 years not too short and not too long, got to work hard on my career and wealth if you want things to happen and chase after your dreams :). Almost forgotten, tonight will go to a local gay bar for the last time and hope to hit a white bear to celebrate New Year Eve.Thats all folks!
Sunday, 25 December 2011
25th Dec 2011
Last night was at a chalet for the Christmas Poly-mates Gathering Party, overall was fine and good. Except for the last night which is Christmas Eve kind of screwed up, as before 12mid-night almost everybody went off to home early. I was not quite happy about it, as I am the head of the organizer but I had done from organizer, gathering, treasury, till making it happen and hope the cleaning part will be altogether. But in reality is no, so decided to called the rest clean up and go back home, no need to stay
till 25th Dec morning.
Was happy and delighted to receive Christmas greeting messages from around the world. Really, thanks to Apple's Iphone, making communication easy and accessible. Had received greeting from Rich, Kars, Mel, Brian (UK), JJ, Stuart, Terry, Chuck and Will. Miss you guys and thanks again for the greeting.
Thats all nothing much but to read out my new job documents while waiting for the New Year Day 2012 comes.
Merry X Mas
Yann
till 25th Dec morning.
Was happy and delighted to receive Christmas greeting messages from around the world. Really, thanks to Apple's Iphone, making communication easy and accessible. Had received greeting from Rich, Kars, Mel, Brian (UK), JJ, Stuart, Terry, Chuck and Will. Miss you guys and thanks again for the greeting.
Thats all nothing much but to read out my new job documents while waiting for the New Year Day 2012 comes.
Merry X Mas
Yann
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Christmas Love Song
Well, didnt expect I really composed a Christmas Love Song this year and tonight.
I would say this song is better than those I composed previously if any of you heard before... LOL...
Bear with me if you dont like, give a pet or smile if you like and encourage my master piece :)
Christmas Love Song To My Dearest You. - Written and Composed by Yann Cheong
Please believe in my love to you
I were have same believe as you
Maybe you should start thinking
Kissing you deeply and hugging you warmly.
I would say this song is better than those I composed previously if any of you heard before... LOL...
Bear with me if you dont like, give a pet or smile if you like and encourage my master piece :)
Christmas Love Song To My Dearest You. - Written and Composed by Yann Cheong
Shalala Shalala I wishing you a merry Christmas
Oh Shalala Shalala I singing Christmas love song to my dearest you.Sorry baby, I can’t be there for you
But please remember my love is with you
Distance was not the reason for not been there with you.
Rather the things that I caught now caused me unreachable to you.I were have same believe as you
There will be a year, we were spend the Christmas together
Now listen to this song, I’m singing to you
Shalala Shalala I wishing you a merry Christmas
Oh Shalala Shalala I singing Christmas love song to my dearest you.If I am here what we were be doing
I can tell you right now, I will hold you tightly.Kissing you deeply and hugging you warmly.
Spend the whole night tell you how much I love you.
Please believe in my love to you
I were have same believe as youThere will be a year, we were spend the Christmas together
Now listen to this song that I’m singing to youShalala Shalala I wishing you a merry Christmas
Oh Shalala Shalala I singing Christmas love song to my dearest you.Shalala Shalala wishing you a merry Christmas
Oh Shalala Shalala I singing Christmas love song to my dearest you.
Oh Shalala Shalala I singing Christmas love song to my dearest you.
Friday, 16 December 2011
Ended sitting at Millenia Walk food court... Looking at Conrad through the window.
Gonna meet an old friend and say farewell to him. Thanks 2011, how many good friends you want to take away from me? He going back to Bangkok for good, guess he had enough of Singapore. Meeting him at Suntec City 8pm, so went out early wandering mall to another and rest in between to start reading my job assignment materials with my ipad2. My last rest stop ended sitting at the Millenia Walk food court having my old traditional Asian coffee. Look out from the side of the window, I can see the Conrad Hotel which remind me of my last ex-bf, Neil.
Wonder how is he now? Must be enjoying his love life, yeah must be... Seeing his present love one when he is still dating with me. How sincere is he! Remember back then, I thought we met each other was a no string attached fun, but he persistently wanted to date me even if we are far apart and saying how much he love me and bla bla and distances is not a matter. In fact, it is a matter, and sadly he went out seeing other when i was alone been good in the no man fun life land, Middle East Country, staying 80km away from the main city.
Anyway, after I broke off with him, I went outburst to fool around in the Middle East. Though is danger but I wasn't really care and thought much of it. After all, I using that to heal my pain. You may think is silly and foolish, but this is me. When I arrived back home Singapore for good, I deleted all his email which I save in my desktop, left only few pics of him, a card and a tissue paper with a pen written "I miss you" which he left me before he departed to Tokyo to work. Next month, I gonna join the Japanese company and had a will go Japan for a month training, should I send him back all his thing s that he given to me?
Am I such an asshole? Lol... Seriously, I got over the love thing with him but just dislike and hate the cheating feelings....
Wonder how is he now? Must be enjoying his love life, yeah must be... Seeing his present love one when he is still dating with me. How sincere is he! Remember back then, I thought we met each other was a no string attached fun, but he persistently wanted to date me even if we are far apart and saying how much he love me and bla bla and distances is not a matter. In fact, it is a matter, and sadly he went out seeing other when i was alone been good in the no man fun life land, Middle East Country, staying 80km away from the main city.
Anyway, after I broke off with him, I went outburst to fool around in the Middle East. Though is danger but I wasn't really care and thought much of it. After all, I using that to heal my pain. You may think is silly and foolish, but this is me. When I arrived back home Singapore for good, I deleted all his email which I save in my desktop, left only few pics of him, a card and a tissue paper with a pen written "I miss you" which he left me before he departed to Tokyo to work. Next month, I gonna join the Japanese company and had a will go Japan for a month training, should I send him back all his thing s that he given to me?
Am I such an asshole? Lol... Seriously, I got over the love thing with him but just dislike and hate the cheating feelings....
Thursday, 15 December 2011
Haha... What a Joke.. and this Joke cause me to lost a friend.. LOL...
Remember the one that I mentioned, United State Bear, Carter, which I hit it with a headshot to my surprised!!! Well, well, out of curiousity, I went to check if he had a facebook profile and guess what I found?
Yes, he did had but he is a fucking popular military officer in the United State and was married with a woman. There are few couple of facebook profile under his full name and did click and browse in. There are numbers of female comments on the wall asking him if he really did send and contact them through emails and the messages. I also open my gaydar.co and check the messages I received from him. The profile of him is no longer exist. So it gonna be a SCAM, I bet!!!!
Wow... I now laughing and telling myself, I know I not a sharp shooter nor a sniper in the forest at all. So now I dont feel kind of sorry to this guy who is so persistent in chasing after me and luckily I didnt send him my home address as he say he gonna send me gift? (Could be a trap, using my address to do some illegal stuff) and gonna tell me a secret?? (Secret is he is married?) Anyway, I cant be bother!!!
I really a tortise from the mountain.. Yes, people reading this post can keep laughing at me... If only I know the United States celebrities and famous people well, I would have know is a scam.
And thanks to this SCAM person, I lost my Canadian bear, Homeboi, and had told him many times in What'sapp, that the SCAM person is impossible, he just give up and not even continue as friends. If only he know why am I telling him about what I do and who I met, so he would advise and worried for me. I missed chatting with him. I believe he enjoyed chatting with me too but he wouldnt know this person I mentioned to him is a SCAM. As my Canadian bear, had decided not to follow my blog anymore. :(
Ok, to let you people know and stop letting you wondering who is the SCAM person name, his called himself "LT GENERAL CARTER HAM".. and stop laughing LOL....
Yes, he did had but he is a fucking popular military officer in the United State and was married with a woman. There are few couple of facebook profile under his full name and did click and browse in. There are numbers of female comments on the wall asking him if he really did send and contact them through emails and the messages. I also open my gaydar.co and check the messages I received from him. The profile of him is no longer exist. So it gonna be a SCAM, I bet!!!!
Wow... I now laughing and telling myself, I know I not a sharp shooter nor a sniper in the forest at all. So now I dont feel kind of sorry to this guy who is so persistent in chasing after me and luckily I didnt send him my home address as he say he gonna send me gift? (Could be a trap, using my address to do some illegal stuff) and gonna tell me a secret?? (Secret is he is married?) Anyway, I cant be bother!!!
I really a tortise from the mountain.. Yes, people reading this post can keep laughing at me... If only I know the United States celebrities and famous people well, I would have know is a scam.
And thanks to this SCAM person, I lost my Canadian bear, Homeboi, and had told him many times in What'sapp, that the SCAM person is impossible, he just give up and not even continue as friends. If only he know why am I telling him about what I do and who I met, so he would advise and worried for me. I missed chatting with him. I believe he enjoyed chatting with me too but he wouldnt know this person I mentioned to him is a SCAM. As my Canadian bear, had decided not to follow my blog anymore. :(
Ok, to let you people know and stop letting you wondering who is the SCAM person name, his called himself "LT GENERAL CARTER HAM".. and stop laughing LOL....
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
Just write and compose a new song "RE-START"
It was just a normal afternoon and suddenly feel wanna compose a material out and here is my own song that I compose;
RE-START
RE-START
If god grant me a wish
I will wish we doesn’t know one another.
If I have a time machine
I will go back and change the time we met each other.
Because I'm in pain and I know you do too got hurt as well.
Although we made mistake, is alright let’s move on.
Due to being foolish, and I know you felt the same as well.
However, we still need to live our lives go on and on and on....
So why don’t we shake our hand, give a smile.
“Hello, how do you do”
Let’s re-start; start as friend and nothing more say
“I am fine”
And carry on don’t stop there, because we no more stranger anymore...... Monday, 12 December 2011
Christmas and New Year is coming!!!!!
Well.. well... what we got here... :) Just received an email from the States Bear, Carter, that he will update me whether is he coming to visit me or not while right now he is at the war zone in the middle east. He also ask for my home address as he want to send me a Christmas gift. And yet again I politely reply to him to send the gift to other needy, people whom lived in poor middle east area or someone in the States whom worried and missing him so much. I am just a new friend he make online and don't put me high hope of thinking I will be his life long partner. Yet, I still don't know whether if he really get what I mean from those emails I send, so been emphasizing to him as friends when reply him back. So hopefully he get it.
Christmas is coming... Had make planned for the holiday, I not a christian but making used of this holiday season to book a chalet on 23 Dec to 25 Dec 2011 and gather small group of friends BBQ on 24th Dec. 2011. It was initiate by one of my poly-mate and somehow I become the organizer and the treasurer to gather people, collect money and purchased the food and appliances for the event. The last time we had this gathering was 2009 as 2010 I was working in overseas and none of my poly-mate doing this gathering event. I can say I like the center of all the group contacts, without me they wont unite or bother to meet up (or I guess only LOL)... So what and where did I spend my Christmas 2010? I was spending my time in Qatar and working.... so nothing to happy to look back at..(Friendly, speaking none of the Christmas have ever make me unforgettable.. is just another holiday.. LOL... )
After sending off the Santa Claus, and is the New year time... I swear I will put my status on facebook with this sentences;
" Fuck you and thank you 2011, for been letting me experiencing the darkest moment in my life so far. Welcome my love 2012, and hope you wont disappoint me and lets make more happy great moment of time through the year."
Yup, think that's the sentences, I gonna put on when New Year Day 2012 arrived. Well, I didn't make any planned for the coming New Year Eve celebration yet. The last New Year 2011, celebration I had was having holiday at Abu Dhabi, UAE, with my working colleague. Clean sheet, no hanky panky or getting laid with someone. Maybe because of that my 2011 is shit and screw up because didn't screw a guy. LOL...
I remember New Year 2010 Eve, I was with my straight couple friends went to Backstage (A gay bar) to welcome New Year 2010. I hunt down a German bear, Richard, give him my 1st kiss in 2010 and after celebrate the New Year Day, I said good bye to the couple and went back to Richard place to get laid. LOL.... It was a fantastic night. Of course, Richard, was not just a one night stand, we did meet up after that and nearly get attached.
However, I was focusing on my study and I not also not able to fulfill his expectation as a boyfriend of his. As he expect me to move in and live with him at least 3 or 4 days a week, which I couldn't due to my parents (Traditional Chinese Asian culture or should say my family culture.. and don't want to make a big scene out of it, just want to keep away from troublesome). So that the reasons, we didn't become one happy couple.
Anyway, he is now I supposed happily attached with an Asian Chinese boy who just out of the army and living with him. (Please don't ask me why both same Asian people and why the boy can do and I can't? The reason as I mentioned, I don't want to put a fight with my parents. They are old enough and I believe no one would like to see family quarrel). Yes, you may say so forever I will be stuck living with my parents? The answer of course is NO, right now I focusing on my career and once I can see my path of success in the mid way at age 35(The earliest age I supposed), Wowhoo..., can planned either bought an own flat apartment, move out of my parents house and live alone waiting for the Mr. Right bear. Or I can planned to move out of Singapore to live my own life. So I must success and can't failed.. else I forever stuck there and be trapped I supposed.....
Anyway, for the upcoming New Year 2012 eve, LOL... most probably will be go to the gay bar, hunt down a bear, to his place and get laid, screw the bear for a good start 2012. LOL.... So who will be the LUCKY BEAR!!!!!!
Christmas is coming... Had make planned for the holiday, I not a christian but making used of this holiday season to book a chalet on 23 Dec to 25 Dec 2011 and gather small group of friends BBQ on 24th Dec. 2011. It was initiate by one of my poly-mate and somehow I become the organizer and the treasurer to gather people, collect money and purchased the food and appliances for the event. The last time we had this gathering was 2009 as 2010 I was working in overseas and none of my poly-mate doing this gathering event. I can say I like the center of all the group contacts, without me they wont unite or bother to meet up (or I guess only LOL)... So what and where did I spend my Christmas 2010? I was spending my time in Qatar and working.... so nothing to happy to look back at..(Friendly, speaking none of the Christmas have ever make me unforgettable.. is just another holiday.. LOL... )
After sending off the Santa Claus, and is the New year time... I swear I will put my status on facebook with this sentences;
" Fuck you and thank you 2011, for been letting me experiencing the darkest moment in my life so far. Welcome my love 2012, and hope you wont disappoint me and lets make more happy great moment of time through the year."
Yup, think that's the sentences, I gonna put on when New Year Day 2012 arrived. Well, I didn't make any planned for the coming New Year Eve celebration yet. The last New Year 2011, celebration I had was having holiday at Abu Dhabi, UAE, with my working colleague. Clean sheet, no hanky panky or getting laid with someone. Maybe because of that my 2011 is shit and screw up because didn't screw a guy. LOL...
I remember New Year 2010 Eve, I was with my straight couple friends went to Backstage (A gay bar) to welcome New Year 2010. I hunt down a German bear, Richard, give him my 1st kiss in 2010 and after celebrate the New Year Day, I said good bye to the couple and went back to Richard place to get laid. LOL.... It was a fantastic night. Of course, Richard, was not just a one night stand, we did meet up after that and nearly get attached.
However, I was focusing on my study and I not also not able to fulfill his expectation as a boyfriend of his. As he expect me to move in and live with him at least 3 or 4 days a week, which I couldn't due to my parents (Traditional Chinese Asian culture or should say my family culture.. and don't want to make a big scene out of it, just want to keep away from troublesome). So that the reasons, we didn't become one happy couple.
Anyway, he is now I supposed happily attached with an Asian Chinese boy who just out of the army and living with him. (Please don't ask me why both same Asian people and why the boy can do and I can't? The reason as I mentioned, I don't want to put a fight with my parents. They are old enough and I believe no one would like to see family quarrel). Yes, you may say so forever I will be stuck living with my parents? The answer of course is NO, right now I focusing on my career and once I can see my path of success in the mid way at age 35(The earliest age I supposed), Wowhoo..., can planned either bought an own flat apartment, move out of my parents house and live alone waiting for the Mr. Right bear. Or I can planned to move out of Singapore to live my own life. So I must success and can't failed.. else I forever stuck there and be trapped I supposed.....
Anyway, for the upcoming New Year 2012 eve, LOL... most probably will be go to the gay bar, hunt down a bear, to his place and get laid, screw the bear for a good start 2012. LOL.... So who will be the LUCKY BEAR!!!!!!
Sunday, 11 December 2011
Success!!
Just 2 days ago, my good friend and also buddy, Ari, send me a text message. He said there are two things that define SUCCESS in life;
" SUCCESS in life: The way you manage when you have nothing and the way you behave when you have everything."
He send me this text message because when I got my dream job contract signed, I send an email to inform him. I want to be a successful person like him and Will, another good friend of mine. Why he?
He is one of top and well known business man in his country (East Europe), and had appeared in the his country media and magazine. Isn't he successful in his career? Maybe to himself, he had another criteria or requirement to call himself SUCCESS. But I as an outsider, I say he is and I wanted to be like him one day. I remember telling him during our last meeting with him, which he gave me a graduation present to Sweden for holiday for achieving 1st Class Hons, I told him one day I want him to look at my back as I had enough of his back facing me. If I cant do that, at least stand side by side with him. :) I still have long way to go..... but never give it up yet :)
I havent fully understand the sentences that he quote to me, I guess is a general term in whatever we do but I know I will figured it out one day as long as I keep working on my career and going after my SUCCESS.
" SUCCESS in life: The way you manage when you have nothing and the way you behave when you have everything."
He send me this text message because when I got my dream job contract signed, I send an email to inform him. I want to be a successful person like him and Will, another good friend of mine. Why he?
He is one of top and well known business man in his country (East Europe), and had appeared in the his country media and magazine. Isn't he successful in his career? Maybe to himself, he had another criteria or requirement to call himself SUCCESS. But I as an outsider, I say he is and I wanted to be like him one day. I remember telling him during our last meeting with him, which he gave me a graduation present to Sweden for holiday for achieving 1st Class Hons, I told him one day I want him to look at my back as I had enough of his back facing me. If I cant do that, at least stand side by side with him. :) I still have long way to go..... but never give it up yet :)
I havent fully understand the sentences that he quote to me, I guess is a general term in whatever we do but I know I will figured it out one day as long as I keep working on my career and going after my SUCCESS.
Friday, 9 December 2011
You must have a broken heart
Guess was too relaxed and happy that I got the contract signed that I didnt update my blog. Thought I won't write any sad stuff over here, I was wrong. Just a few days back, I hunt down a Canadian Bear in the forest, the bear called Homeboi. As I said previously, I dont have high hope for long distance relationship and thus I didnt went serious taking care of the bear. I continue do my usual bear hunting at the same time, regularly come and feed the Homeboi. The time I spend with Homeboi, was enjoyable and happy. I believe he enjoyed my lovely sweet chat company as well as I always do to people I like.
We both also thanks Steve Job, for creating Iphone to make us closer and had make communication easy and accessible. Till the day before, somehow, I got a headshot of a bear from States, a trained Military General bear, called Carter. This bear came approached me, I just been do my usual normal firing and didnt expect to had a headshot of him. He send me an email of his contact and I respond to him as well. The 2nd email he sent to me was telling me about his background and the kind of love he looking for and believe.
"I want a happy life with true Love because it's good to love someone and that person loves you back the same way."
I replied to him and agree with him but however I focusing on my career now and also quoted back the kind of love I believe.
"If he is for you he is meant for you, no matter how you treat him or missed him as long as you did love him, he is always been there waiting for you because he is waiting for your attention through out his life as his love toward you is lifetime and time doesnt change his love towards you."
I had read my quote to my very good sister, Steph, today. Her feed back to me was, are you writing a marriage vow? Her reply make me think if my quote is too romatic, childish, or sweet?
Anyway, this bear, Carter, have intention of coming to visit Singapore Rainforest. I am always happy to welcome bear visit me in Singapore, but I have fear of this bear. We were chatting online 2 days ago, he wanted me to be his lover, and want me to stick with him be a true and the lover that he want. He emphasis that I must not cheated on him and he be nice and take care of me. My fear arised the more he chatted to me but how much he wants me and how life gonna be when we together. I only knew him for 2 or 3 days, to be honest, not even really knew him at all. We just exchange email for twice only and 10mins of chatting, he had considered me as a lover. Thats remind me of Nicholas from Melbourne, my ex-date (but JJ always say is my lovely BF), a very dominant, possessive, control man. I not into this type of guy, yes physically he is the kind of bear I like but personality no. I would suffered and had my life with fear. I dont like my life to be control, if we really love each other a mutual undestanding will build up and each other will know how to give and take, would not control each other life. Because the life is not just one person anymore, is two person living together life, so none of one can't take the whole control of it. Is there anyone understand? Did I make my words cleared? Or maybe I'm wrong? This is my thought I will stick with that unless during my learning life I learn and find out something different and I will change my thought again.
After the convesation with Carter, I asked him if he read my last email that I focusing my career. He told me didnt and will read later once he back home. So I told him better read before you make any decision. Today is the 2nd day, I did not received any email from him so guess, he get my meaning, I am not the guy that he expecting to be. During the chat, I told him, he is looking for someone that want to settle down now with him and that guy is not me.
Immediately, I share this news to my Canadian bear, homeboi, he get pissed off and send me regards and blessing that a bear is coming to me. He even started to reply me with words that is not usual him and cut me off suddenly. Later a while, he told me the truth that he had put all his heart and time for me during the last few days. I finally realised that he had been really serious about me, and due to my loss of confidence or believe in long distance relationship I didnt really had thought of his feelings. I am to blame, if I knew and realised early I would have chat and approach him in another way. We later did talk about it again, however I somehow make it worst. I know he is trying hard to convince me to believe in it, but I still dont accept it. Maybe, we didnt know each other long enough or maybe I really loss hope and give up on it due to my last 2 long distance relationship is a failure. Ended I told him similar things that what JJ had told me before, to believe that Canada had good Asian Hunter to take care of him, the chances is slim but if you believe it, it will happen. I do love homeboi but we both are far apart, we have to accept it. However, Homeboi denied my love towards him, he believe if you really love that person you wont ask that person to leave. But he forgotten and dont understand my last message I send to him, "He need to update me regularly of his status". He did re-read the message, but he wont update me, because he say there no point and no meaning of it. Even I insist, he refused, and he even told me he wont read my blog again from now on. Will we still keep in contact, he say will but not now will be a long while.
I guess only some may or may not understand why I request him a must to update me his status?
In year 1999, Aaron Kwok come out with an EP album, one of the song I heard it and find one sentences very meaningful.
"爱我不一地要永远拥有我，人生从从烦脑以经太多，最为大的爱情是让对方过的快乐，最好你完记，你完记了我。"
Thus, thats what I doing to Homeboi, however, to make sure he is had really found a love one and happily living. I need to know his status. Hence, I demand him to update me, who knows if one day he still havent found his love and living happily and I have achieved my success, I will come to him and give him the happiness that he is searching all these years.
At that same night, after Homeboi shut me off, I feel sad and I really thought he can be someone like JJ, a very very close person that I can talk to and support whenever I need. As JJ always there for me, support me, give me attention when I need, been sweet to each other, leting me be who am I as he accepted who am I. The only difference with JJ and Homeboi was, my relationship with JJ were up to only close friend or family's brother and nothing more. For Homeboi isnt, Homeboi can be my lover/partner one day. I text to JJ that I was wrong, to believe there can other person in my life like him very very close person, but I was wrong, there can only be one and thats JJ and thank him for having him in part of my life.
Also last few days, my good sister, Steph, was having a hard and sad time. She cut off the ropes finally because she tired of figuring how to untie the knot of the rope. I dont want to go to the details, but is bit similar to Homeboi and I. Just that her's is really in a serious relationship which they had been together happily in Qatar for a year. Details of her story, I not going to share or put, it is her story not mine. However, when she cut off the rope alone at Korea, she called me and cried on the phone. I always thought that she is a strong and tough girl, still a girl is a girl when heart broken tears will fall.
I told her on the phone, dont think too much, go had an early rest, tomorrow start shopping think of what to buy and dont think of the rope again. Last night she came back from Korea, and I met her for dinner today, to make sure she is alright and also share with her my story with the bears. She also throw me a question regards to JJ, What I love about JJ? I told her, he is nice, sweet, good guy and always there for me and most importantly is he dont change me, he accept who am I. She told me when someone ask her about her the other, she cant answer. We still chatted other stuff regards to her, but is secret lol... Ladies secret gardens.
And is being very long time, I came across a girl cried on the other side of the phone and talking to me. The last time was 1999 with my very close female classmate Miss Teo, thanks to a hippocrypte guy, Pimple Face, who create lies story that break my frienship with her, because she rejected him and he cursed her for her failure for being arrogant and stated my name too, which I had no ideal why he did that. What happen was she really did badly for her 'O' level and she re take her 'O' level again. However, my friendship with her was re-unite and cleared, as we open up to each other to speak and find out the truth. As for the Pimple Face, he didnt just ruin my friendship with her, he also went to ruin other classmates, and our small group of friends had concluded him as Hippocrypte guy so his name had change from Pimple Face to Hippocrypte.
We both also thanks Steve Job, for creating Iphone to make us closer and had make communication easy and accessible. Till the day before, somehow, I got a headshot of a bear from States, a trained Military General bear, called Carter. This bear came approached me, I just been do my usual normal firing and didnt expect to had a headshot of him. He send me an email of his contact and I respond to him as well. The 2nd email he sent to me was telling me about his background and the kind of love he looking for and believe.
"I want a happy life with true Love because it's good to love someone and that person loves you back the same way."
I replied to him and agree with him but however I focusing on my career now and also quoted back the kind of love I believe.
"If he is for you he is meant for you, no matter how you treat him or missed him as long as you did love him, he is always been there waiting for you because he is waiting for your attention through out his life as his love toward you is lifetime and time doesnt change his love towards you."
I had read my quote to my very good sister, Steph, today. Her feed back to me was, are you writing a marriage vow? Her reply make me think if my quote is too romatic, childish, or sweet?
Anyway, this bear, Carter, have intention of coming to visit Singapore Rainforest. I am always happy to welcome bear visit me in Singapore, but I have fear of this bear. We were chatting online 2 days ago, he wanted me to be his lover, and want me to stick with him be a true and the lover that he want. He emphasis that I must not cheated on him and he be nice and take care of me. My fear arised the more he chatted to me but how much he wants me and how life gonna be when we together. I only knew him for 2 or 3 days, to be honest, not even really knew him at all. We just exchange email for twice only and 10mins of chatting, he had considered me as a lover. Thats remind me of Nicholas from Melbourne, my ex-date (but JJ always say is my lovely BF), a very dominant, possessive, control man. I not into this type of guy, yes physically he is the kind of bear I like but personality no. I would suffered and had my life with fear. I dont like my life to be control, if we really love each other a mutual undestanding will build up and each other will know how to give and take, would not control each other life. Because the life is not just one person anymore, is two person living together life, so none of one can't take the whole control of it. Is there anyone understand? Did I make my words cleared? Or maybe I'm wrong? This is my thought I will stick with that unless during my learning life I learn and find out something different and I will change my thought again.
After the convesation with Carter, I asked him if he read my last email that I focusing my career. He told me didnt and will read later once he back home. So I told him better read before you make any decision. Today is the 2nd day, I did not received any email from him so guess, he get my meaning, I am not the guy that he expecting to be. During the chat, I told him, he is looking for someone that want to settle down now with him and that guy is not me.
Immediately, I share this news to my Canadian bear, homeboi, he get pissed off and send me regards and blessing that a bear is coming to me. He even started to reply me with words that is not usual him and cut me off suddenly. Later a while, he told me the truth that he had put all his heart and time for me during the last few days. I finally realised that he had been really serious about me, and due to my loss of confidence or believe in long distance relationship I didnt really had thought of his feelings. I am to blame, if I knew and realised early I would have chat and approach him in another way. We later did talk about it again, however I somehow make it worst. I know he is trying hard to convince me to believe in it, but I still dont accept it. Maybe, we didnt know each other long enough or maybe I really loss hope and give up on it due to my last 2 long distance relationship is a failure. Ended I told him similar things that what JJ had told me before, to believe that Canada had good Asian Hunter to take care of him, the chances is slim but if you believe it, it will happen. I do love homeboi but we both are far apart, we have to accept it. However, Homeboi denied my love towards him, he believe if you really love that person you wont ask that person to leave. But he forgotten and dont understand my last message I send to him, "He need to update me regularly of his status". He did re-read the message, but he wont update me, because he say there no point and no meaning of it. Even I insist, he refused, and he even told me he wont read my blog again from now on. Will we still keep in contact, he say will but not now will be a long while.
I guess only some may or may not understand why I request him a must to update me his status?
In year 1999, Aaron Kwok come out with an EP album, one of the song I heard it and find one sentences very meaningful.
"爱我不一地要永远拥有我，人生从从烦脑以经太多，最为大的爱情是让对方过的快乐，最好你完记，你完记了我。"
Thus, thats what I doing to Homeboi, however, to make sure he is had really found a love one and happily living. I need to know his status. Hence, I demand him to update me, who knows if one day he still havent found his love and living happily and I have achieved my success, I will come to him and give him the happiness that he is searching all these years.
At that same night, after Homeboi shut me off, I feel sad and I really thought he can be someone like JJ, a very very close person that I can talk to and support whenever I need. As JJ always there for me, support me, give me attention when I need, been sweet to each other, leting me be who am I as he accepted who am I. The only difference with JJ and Homeboi was, my relationship with JJ were up to only close friend or family's brother and nothing more. For Homeboi isnt, Homeboi can be my lover/partner one day. I text to JJ that I was wrong, to believe there can other person in my life like him very very close person, but I was wrong, there can only be one and thats JJ and thank him for having him in part of my life.
Also last few days, my good sister, Steph, was having a hard and sad time. She cut off the ropes finally because she tired of figuring how to untie the knot of the rope. I dont want to go to the details, but is bit similar to Homeboi and I. Just that her's is really in a serious relationship which they had been together happily in Qatar for a year. Details of her story, I not going to share or put, it is her story not mine. However, when she cut off the rope alone at Korea, she called me and cried on the phone. I always thought that she is a strong and tough girl, still a girl is a girl when heart broken tears will fall.
I told her on the phone, dont think too much, go had an early rest, tomorrow start shopping think of what to buy and dont think of the rope again. Last night she came back from Korea, and I met her for dinner today, to make sure she is alright and also share with her my story with the bears. She also throw me a question regards to JJ, What I love about JJ? I told her, he is nice, sweet, good guy and always there for me and most importantly is he dont change me, he accept who am I. She told me when someone ask her about her the other, she cant answer. We still chatted other stuff regards to her, but is secret lol... Ladies secret gardens.
And is being very long time, I came across a girl cried on the other side of the phone and talking to me. The last time was 1999 with my very close female classmate Miss Teo, thanks to a hippocrypte guy, Pimple Face, who create lies story that break my frienship with her, because she rejected him and he cursed her for her failure for being arrogant and stated my name too, which I had no ideal why he did that. What happen was she really did badly for her 'O' level and she re take her 'O' level again. However, my friendship with her was re-unite and cleared, as we open up to each other to speak and find out the truth. As for the Pimple Face, he didnt just ruin my friendship with her, he also went to ruin other classmates, and our small group of friends had concluded him as Hippocrypte guy so his name had change from Pimple Face to Hippocrypte.
Friday, 2 December 2011
The day I have some piece of mind
Yahoo.... Finally, get the new employee contract signed and work as a ship class surveyor been pursuing since I graduated from university. And that will be my career that I be committed to work for long looking at 5 years witht the Japanese company. So therefore, I able to enjoyed bit of own time by meeting my study mates from my university for small gathering.
So one thing had been solve, still have others stuff to solve. Like need to control my expenses for this month so not to overspend, the money I borrow from my mum how do I pay when I get my salary once I started the job and how do I pay off my study debt for my polytechnic study. So now more focus on finance issued.
Another great news is, I hunt down a home bear from Canada in one of their forest.. Maybe the forest from the Twighlight Saga.. LOL... Well, didnt expect from a fling friend to become closer than that. Didnt had high hope for long distance, but cherish and enjoyed the moments with "Homeboi" (Is JJ getting jealous... Is he or is not... maybe I been thinking too much again). Anyway, nobody will know what happen in the end of our future. But one thing I learn is, why do people living far away from you, caring and loving you so much than people who living near you. Even I myself couldnt understand and find reason for it. Example, I living with my parents, but did I spend more time with them and caring loving them? The answer is NO. But strangely when I was away working in middle east, Qatar, I phone my mum every Friday and talk to her more show my care and concern to her. Did you came across situation like this or do you feel the same thought with me?
Nevetheless, today is the day I should be happy and happy and happy. Looking forward next year Jan 2012.. a challenging year for me that I must not failed this time. :)
So one thing had been solve, still have others stuff to solve. Like need to control my expenses for this month so not to overspend, the money I borrow from my mum how do I pay when I get my salary once I started the job and how do I pay off my study debt for my polytechnic study. So now more focus on finance issued.
Another great news is, I hunt down a home bear from Canada in one of their forest.. Maybe the forest from the Twighlight Saga.. LOL... Well, didnt expect from a fling friend to become closer than that. Didnt had high hope for long distance, but cherish and enjoyed the moments with "Homeboi" (Is JJ getting jealous... Is he or is not... maybe I been thinking too much again). Anyway, nobody will know what happen in the end of our future. But one thing I learn is, why do people living far away from you, caring and loving you so much than people who living near you. Even I myself couldnt understand and find reason for it. Example, I living with my parents, but did I spend more time with them and caring loving them? The answer is NO. But strangely when I was away working in middle east, Qatar, I phone my mum every Friday and talk to her more show my care and concern to her. Did you came across situation like this or do you feel the same thought with me?
Nevetheless, today is the day I should be happy and happy and happy. Looking forward next year Jan 2012.. a challenging year for me that I must not failed this time. :)
Sunday, 27 November 2011
Hey is end of Nov 2011.. My happy days coming soon :)
Well, 14th Nov 2011 was my last working days in J company and then out of my job for the rest of my days till 2012. Most of my time spending at home to cut down my expenses so cooking meals on my own. Any events or stuff wanna bring up here to the blog? Of course, I have else why I bother to write? LOL.
Well, lately back active to this gay social network application in iPhone. Making fling chat friends and only meet one or two for ease of release (You know what I mean do you?). Eventually, did meet up a remarkable guy, he is Singaporean Chinese 44yo and considers a muscle bear (G-man in Asian). Our first meet up was at his business shop and we had late nite supper and coffee, he is an owner company of interior design & construction. Oh yes, name him JT, We didn't have any sex just chatting get to know each other. Everything is fine, just that puzzle me during conversation and I don't know why particular this sentence he says stuck in my brain. LOL.. he says he dates people around his age and never go to the 20s. Anyway, subsequently, we text and communicate till last Thursday. I went out for a movie which I told him in the afternoon before he comes to my place for a quickie as he has a project running nearby :). So that night after the movie with my friend and his fiancee, we went for dinner and while they queuing up for food, I was bored and switch on my gay social network apps just to look around and off when my food comes. After my dinner, I text him saying I on my way back home now. The next day when I on the apps again, saw him left a msg last nite saying "Arent you say your movie finished?" I went to SMS him say sorry I didn't saw that msg from the app, and telling him what I did last night which I had mentioned earlier. But funny stuff is why he msg me in the apps at 930pm and asking me that question? When I finished my dinner followed by an SMS to him that I on my way home is 1030pm. He replies to me in a kind of monotone way I guess, saying is ok. Yesterday, I ask him out for a movie through SMS, he replies me thanks not free. Well, I kind of make myself confused with this guy. Is he making me as his date? or we are just friends? Because I have no intention of jumping the conclusion that he and I are dating as we met only like 4 days. So that's it, no more hearing from him I guess. I still continue with my "Charlie Harper" life LOL... just that Charlie still in love with Chelsea and I still in love with JJ, and still fooling.
Lately had a few quarrels with my mum too. Not I wanted, is she always try to force her way to make me do what she wants me to do when she old. The 1st incident is her will, she came to me and discuss her will, besides leaving a small amount to my elder sis. She finds it difficult to allocate the portion between my elder brother and me. She intends to inform us upfront that whoever took care of her and live with her till her last day will have the most portion of her assets. My first thing came to my mind, what happened to my mum, had my dad drive her out of her mind. Why does she have to do that, like her two sons will only take care of her so we could have the big portion of her assets? I told her up to you, I just find you funny and inappropriate doing it that way.
The 2nd incident is unintentional, she was asking me bout what am I doing on Saturday. I told her catching a movie with my friends and coffee chat later, nothing many things we can do in Singapore and had discussed with friends that too even if we are rich normally we go overseas had fun. I mean I referring to leisure things and normally people will link that too. (Or the people I referring is people around my age and not my mum age group). She says there's plenty of things to do in Singapore and I ask what? She starts saying cleaning the house, arranging her store and kitchen and all the household stuff. I say to mum that not the things I referring and continue to told her if she talking bout that, much time I told her to sell away or give away those pots and big Kitchener items. As they took a lot of spaces in the kitchen and store, how many time she used I can tell you is once 20 years or maybe 40 years. As I have seen her do Chinese traditional cake once when I was 14yo and never see her doing it again. Then she jumps to the topic about my room, and I told her I have a month at home, I will clean and tidy when I want and I think I need. Besides, lots of stuff I can't decide and even arrange the furniture as well because is her house, not mine. It is my house, my stuff and furniture will be arranged nicely and make it easy for me to clean. She started to yell at me, say ok you want to move out then once you wealth enough moved out and had your home. I told her this is what I want since I was teenage.
I didnt told her exactly the reason why all the while I wanna move out, she always had thought that I dont want to took care of her. The other she though was because I am gay thus need a own house which is partly only. The main reason is because, she always want to be the queen or king of the house, all the house arrangement and furniture all have to follow her. So there's no way and space that I could have my own home design or furniture. She always used the words, I am the owner of the house, you have to listen to me. I still remember the scene she put up on me when I was a teenage. It was one of the thing she hurt me the most and were never forget. When I was 18yo ( yes that age, in western countries at this age, you supposed to get out of that nest and had your own life), I sharing room with my elder brother but he was not home as he was working as a full time soldier in Singapore Arm Force. That night my mum couldnt find her reading glasses as she must have misplaced somewhere. So we look around to the common reading area she often do her reading but she came to my room and search. I told her that the glasses wont be in my room. Cos she never do her reading in my room! I told her must be in the living room or her room, she say nope and even I told her checked again. Yet she still insist looking in my room and go to a extend to my wardrobe, I was really kind of flared. I say hey mum, can I have my own privacy as you are entering beyond what you had done. She ignored and go search each and every of my drawer. I shout hey mum, stopped the search in my room, this is my room and your glasses wont be in my room. Of course she shouted back at me, and say this is her house, I have no privacy and authority in this house. Thats hurt, so even when I am 18yo now, no repect was given, they still treat me as a little boy. I was very fed up and yet I can't do anything that and oh boy, I so emotional hurt that the best I can do is always crying LOL... till she satisfied her searched complete in my room and left. I sobbed and re-arranged my stuff in the room and sobbed on bed till fall alseep. In the meantime, my mum still can yelling at the next room saying how disrepectful and how smart am I thinking I have the right to stop her from searching her stuff in her house. Well, the next day, her reading glasses was found somewhere in a corner of the living room.
So if one day I gonna be a father of my child, I will have to give respect to my child and will ask for permission if I could touch his/her belonging. Unless, is something serious like illegal stuff hiding in his room(drugs/weapons), no choice got to bash in LOL... but for stuff like reading glasses, is just making scene out of nothing.
Did told to JJ and my now good sister whom I had knew her during my 1st oversea job, Qatar. Well, they side my mum, yes I know they just respect her and think she old and need attention so let her be and follow her will. But not from her sons, I can tell you both my elder brother and I had been overly protected by our mum and mum had always took us like we are working for her (sound like a slave). Nevetheless, she still my mum and need to take care of her no matter how bad she had done those damages to my childhood and teenage time. I just dont like her to open the old wound again and I like to be treated soft and not hard and forceful way.
Been thinking of written a new blog writing those bad awful events in my family that I always be the one who seen through and witnessed it, and make me look at my family and the members in diffrerent way, should I or should not?
Well, lately back active to this gay social network application in iPhone. Making fling chat friends and only meet one or two for ease of release (You know what I mean do you?). Eventually, did meet up a remarkable guy, he is Singaporean Chinese 44yo and considers a muscle bear (G-man in Asian). Our first meet up was at his business shop and we had late nite supper and coffee, he is an owner company of interior design & construction. Oh yes, name him JT, We didn't have any sex just chatting get to know each other. Everything is fine, just that puzzle me during conversation and I don't know why particular this sentence he says stuck in my brain. LOL.. he says he dates people around his age and never go to the 20s. Anyway, subsequently, we text and communicate till last Thursday. I went out for a movie which I told him in the afternoon before he comes to my place for a quickie as he has a project running nearby :). So that night after the movie with my friend and his fiancee, we went for dinner and while they queuing up for food, I was bored and switch on my gay social network apps just to look around and off when my food comes. After my dinner, I text him saying I on my way back home now. The next day when I on the apps again, saw him left a msg last nite saying "Arent you say your movie finished?" I went to SMS him say sorry I didn't saw that msg from the app, and telling him what I did last night which I had mentioned earlier. But funny stuff is why he msg me in the apps at 930pm and asking me that question? When I finished my dinner followed by an SMS to him that I on my way home is 1030pm. He replies to me in a kind of monotone way I guess, saying is ok. Yesterday, I ask him out for a movie through SMS, he replies me thanks not free. Well, I kind of make myself confused with this guy. Is he making me as his date? or we are just friends? Because I have no intention of jumping the conclusion that he and I are dating as we met only like 4 days. So that's it, no more hearing from him I guess. I still continue with my "Charlie Harper" life LOL... just that Charlie still in love with Chelsea and I still in love with JJ, and still fooling.
Lately had a few quarrels with my mum too. Not I wanted, is she always try to force her way to make me do what she wants me to do when she old. The 1st incident is her will, she came to me and discuss her will, besides leaving a small amount to my elder sis. She finds it difficult to allocate the portion between my elder brother and me. She intends to inform us upfront that whoever took care of her and live with her till her last day will have the most portion of her assets. My first thing came to my mind, what happened to my mum, had my dad drive her out of her mind. Why does she have to do that, like her two sons will only take care of her so we could have the big portion of her assets? I told her up to you, I just find you funny and inappropriate doing it that way.
The 2nd incident is unintentional, she was asking me bout what am I doing on Saturday. I told her catching a movie with my friends and coffee chat later, nothing many things we can do in Singapore and had discussed with friends that too even if we are rich normally we go overseas had fun. I mean I referring to leisure things and normally people will link that too. (Or the people I referring is people around my age and not my mum age group). She says there's plenty of things to do in Singapore and I ask what? She starts saying cleaning the house, arranging her store and kitchen and all the household stuff. I say to mum that not the things I referring and continue to told her if she talking bout that, much time I told her to sell away or give away those pots and big Kitchener items. As they took a lot of spaces in the kitchen and store, how many time she used I can tell you is once 20 years or maybe 40 years. As I have seen her do Chinese traditional cake once when I was 14yo and never see her doing it again. Then she jumps to the topic about my room, and I told her I have a month at home, I will clean and tidy when I want and I think I need. Besides, lots of stuff I can't decide and even arrange the furniture as well because is her house, not mine. It is my house, my stuff and furniture will be arranged nicely and make it easy for me to clean. She started to yell at me, say ok you want to move out then once you wealth enough moved out and had your home. I told her this is what I want since I was teenage.
I didnt told her exactly the reason why all the while I wanna move out, she always had thought that I dont want to took care of her. The other she though was because I am gay thus need a own house which is partly only. The main reason is because, she always want to be the queen or king of the house, all the house arrangement and furniture all have to follow her. So there's no way and space that I could have my own home design or furniture. She always used the words, I am the owner of the house, you have to listen to me. I still remember the scene she put up on me when I was a teenage. It was one of the thing she hurt me the most and were never forget. When I was 18yo ( yes that age, in western countries at this age, you supposed to get out of that nest and had your own life), I sharing room with my elder brother but he was not home as he was working as a full time soldier in Singapore Arm Force. That night my mum couldnt find her reading glasses as she must have misplaced somewhere. So we look around to the common reading area she often do her reading but she came to my room and search. I told her that the glasses wont be in my room. Cos she never do her reading in my room! I told her must be in the living room or her room, she say nope and even I told her checked again. Yet she still insist looking in my room and go to a extend to my wardrobe, I was really kind of flared. I say hey mum, can I have my own privacy as you are entering beyond what you had done. She ignored and go search each and every of my drawer. I shout hey mum, stopped the search in my room, this is my room and your glasses wont be in my room. Of course she shouted back at me, and say this is her house, I have no privacy and authority in this house. Thats hurt, so even when I am 18yo now, no repect was given, they still treat me as a little boy. I was very fed up and yet I can't do anything that and oh boy, I so emotional hurt that the best I can do is always crying LOL... till she satisfied her searched complete in my room and left. I sobbed and re-arranged my stuff in the room and sobbed on bed till fall alseep. In the meantime, my mum still can yelling at the next room saying how disrepectful and how smart am I thinking I have the right to stop her from searching her stuff in her house. Well, the next day, her reading glasses was found somewhere in a corner of the living room.
So if one day I gonna be a father of my child, I will have to give respect to my child and will ask for permission if I could touch his/her belonging. Unless, is something serious like illegal stuff hiding in his room(drugs/weapons), no choice got to bash in LOL... but for stuff like reading glasses, is just making scene out of nothing.
Did told to JJ and my now good sister whom I had knew her during my 1st oversea job, Qatar. Well, they side my mum, yes I know they just respect her and think she old and need attention so let her be and follow her will. But not from her sons, I can tell you both my elder brother and I had been overly protected by our mum and mum had always took us like we are working for her (sound like a slave). Nevetheless, she still my mum and need to take care of her no matter how bad she had done those damages to my childhood and teenage time. I just dont like her to open the old wound again and I like to be treated soft and not hard and forceful way.
Been thinking of written a new blog writing those bad awful events in my family that I always be the one who seen through and witnessed it, and make me look at my family and the members in diffrerent way, should I or should not?
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
Is my Birthday... Good bye 28 and welcome 29
Yup.. today is my birthday.. another normal day with many greetings today from Facebook.
Nothing much exciting day for me, still alone single and looking at my computer.. typing and playing my Facebook game. I would make a big celebration in Dec. when I got my new company contract signed! ( Can't wait for it :D )
Wished for my birthday is - this age 28 I lost quite a few lots of important things and by turning 29 I want to get back all the things that I lost back to me, my career, my wealth and my status. Though I know my Gran will not be back, I pray for her be happy over there and looking after me.
Sound like not a wish but more like a resolution LOL... Ever since I came back from my overseas job in Qatar from July till now. I observed a group of my friends (Are they still friends?), they are my University Classmate. When I got the job and designation as Project Engineer in NKOM (Qatar company), they will mingle with you and talk to you. Like envy of you and want to know how well and how good are your career over there. When I back Singapore, putting up on Facebook that I resigned over there due to my Grand.. only 2 or 3 close university classmate who is in my small study group (5 people) still contact me and concern about me. The rest who used to talk to me online during my time working in Qatar, when disappearing to uncontactable. Of course, I don't even bother to contact them as they don't even greet me or say hello to me online. This outcome tells me one thing, they are not your friends, they just been your friends because of your good status.
So is that the reason why I want back my good career and status? The answer is "NO"!, I want to get it back is because of I behind my competitors... And who are those competitors? They are people who around my age and been successful. I want to be a successful person in doing what I want to and want to be. As stated earlier on, I want to be like my good friends, Ari or William in a high post, with that I would say not many worries for my retirement if I planned my life correctly.
Thats all to be honest at this stage.. I focusing on career and my earning power... Love life I did want but not in my first pirority. Unless some rich handsome bear comeby and say I give what you want so dont need for me to work... Hahahahaha... Dream on and fat hope!
Nothing much exciting day for me, still alone single and looking at my computer.. typing and playing my Facebook game. I would make a big celebration in Dec. when I got my new company contract signed! ( Can't wait for it :D )
Wished for my birthday is - this age 28 I lost quite a few lots of important things and by turning 29 I want to get back all the things that I lost back to me, my career, my wealth and my status. Though I know my Gran will not be back, I pray for her be happy over there and looking after me.
Sound like not a wish but more like a resolution LOL... Ever since I came back from my overseas job in Qatar from July till now. I observed a group of my friends (Are they still friends?), they are my University Classmate. When I got the job and designation as Project Engineer in NKOM (Qatar company), they will mingle with you and talk to you. Like envy of you and want to know how well and how good are your career over there. When I back Singapore, putting up on Facebook that I resigned over there due to my Grand.. only 2 or 3 close university classmate who is in my small study group (5 people) still contact me and concern about me. The rest who used to talk to me online during my time working in Qatar, when disappearing to uncontactable. Of course, I don't even bother to contact them as they don't even greet me or say hello to me online. This outcome tells me one thing, they are not your friends, they just been your friends because of your good status.
So is that the reason why I want back my good career and status? The answer is "NO"!, I want to get it back is because of I behind my competitors... And who are those competitors? They are people who around my age and been successful. I want to be a successful person in doing what I want to and want to be. As stated earlier on, I want to be like my good friends, Ari or William in a high post, with that I would say not many worries for my retirement if I planned my life correctly.
Thats all to be honest at this stage.. I focusing on career and my earning power... Love life I did want but not in my first pirority. Unless some rich handsome bear comeby and say I give what you want so dont need for me to work... Hahahahaha... Dream on and fat hope!
Friday, 4 November 2011
Today my elder brother birthday!
Well today is November... is November Birthday!!!! First, my elder brother (4th), followed by me (8th)and then my Elder sister (9th). Don't ask why so coincidence, should go ask my parents and god.
Anyway, got a called from that Surveyor company clerk, requesting me to go for a pre-employment medical check-up next week but I requested her to make it tomorrow as next week I not able to due to holding a "Part-time temp job"...
Next week 4 more days to go and say goodbye to my present job and patiently await for early Dec to sign my new employment contract and patiently wait till Jan 2012 start my new job as an Assistant Surveyor (Trainee). I got tell myself everything be fine, you just getting older and recently too much sad and unhappiness events thus worried things too much.
Beside worried bout my career, I need to look after my mum. She has been in depression, I can see... I need to be strong in front of her.. as all of us have given up Dad.. (For me .. he is dead). Yet, myself was not in good status now.. so are my both siblings each have their own family problems. So I really got to be strong and positive and everything be fine for me now.
How I wished I had a partner/lover around and when he knows I am in so much trouble and worries. He would come to me and say "Don't worry, anything happened I am here for you and support you".
But in reality, no not a single good friends will say that.. I would say this sentence is very touched but of course, I know it hold and mean lot of responsible to take before you can say that. But isnt that what every man and women would like to hear from their love one?
Anyway, got a called from that Surveyor company clerk, requesting me to go for a pre-employment medical check-up next week but I requested her to make it tomorrow as next week I not able to due to holding a "Part-time temp job"...
Next week 4 more days to go and say goodbye to my present job and patiently await for early Dec to sign my new employment contract and patiently wait till Jan 2012 start my new job as an Assistant Surveyor (Trainee). I got tell myself everything be fine, you just getting older and recently too much sad and unhappiness events thus worried things too much.
Beside worried bout my career, I need to look after my mum. She has been in depression, I can see... I need to be strong in front of her.. as all of us have given up Dad.. (For me .. he is dead). Yet, myself was not in good status now.. so are my both siblings each have their own family problems. So I really got to be strong and positive and everything be fine for me now.
How I wished I had a partner/lover around and when he knows I am in so much trouble and worries. He would come to me and say "Don't worry, anything happened I am here for you and support you".
But in reality, no not a single good friends will say that.. I would say this sentence is very touched but of course, I know it hold and mean lot of responsible to take before you can say that. But isnt that what every man and women would like to hear from their love one?
Monday, 31 October 2011
Holloween Day 2011
Holloween Day!!!! I will put this date as a scary date for me.... why? I quit my job in J Company and had to been cheated by a liar agent who told me I required to work for a month will do and resigned without any payment. The truth is I have to pay the penalty, as the director over ruined him and stated based on the email contract which is a trapped where no signature is required but still enforce.
And so lucky that this month salary did not bank into my account, as J Company HR dept bank to the wrong account. UOB account had 10 digits, they should know and she missed the number 5 of the fifth digits.
Lastly, is didn't I say my dad is dead! They should have listened to me as now that lady bitch starts calling my house again and make my mum go crazy with worries and sadness. What is it happening!!!.
Looking forward 11th Nov. 2011 and not my birthday 8th Nov. 2011, that the end of my relationship with J company and move on to a brighter and good company with my positive attitude and energy. Forget what happened during the whole of October and early November 2011.
And so lucky that this month salary did not bank into my account, as J Company HR dept bank to the wrong account. UOB account had 10 digits, they should know and she missed the number 5 of the fifth digits.
Lastly, is didn't I say my dad is dead! They should have listened to me as now that lady bitch starts calling my house again and make my mum go crazy with worries and sadness. What is it happening!!!.
Looking forward 11th Nov. 2011 and not my birthday 8th Nov. 2011, that the end of my relationship with J company and move on to a brighter and good company with my positive attitude and energy. Forget what happened during the whole of October and early November 2011.
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Please stop taking away what I used to have in my life....
Was having a piece of shocking news that one of my favourite boyband, Westlife, split which had announced in 19 Oct 2011. I am very sad to hear bout it (No tears), been listen to their music since I was 18yo and soon be 29yo next month. Their first song hit me was not "Swear It Again" but "Fool Again". Well, cause it reminds me of my secondary school female classmate who I used to secretly like her but later find out that she playing my feelings as a friend. She caught my attention when we were in Secondary 3 while I was focus on writing some report. She literally took my left hand and draw a Baby G watch... And when I ask her why she did that, she gives me an innocent smile and that strike my heart. LOL... Not only that, but I also started receiving Christmas card from her till Secondary 5 it stopped. Secondary 5 having our O level, start to hear from my other classmate that in her heart she actually dislike me, she close to you just for a moment of joy. I even had a close female classmate, which is also a close friend of her, told me bout the rumours is true she doesn't like me at all. So all these 2 -3yrs she was just making fun of my feeling for entertainment or maybe female like to make fun of guys. Anywhere, there are more I did for her but no point talking bout it. Female is not my cup of tea anymore.. (hahaha.. I am such a bitch!).
So back to Westlife, after knowing their split. I went online and make a pre-order of the exclusive greatest hitbox set but missed the one with their signature. It was sold out.. 500 copies.. sold out... why not 1000 copies? or 500 copies each for a country! And this shocking news, somehow makes my mind lead to those events happen this year 2011. I feel a lot of things had been taken away this year, 2 good friends of mine had moved to lived in another country and 1 good friend kind of kept a distance with me though we still keep in touch by SMS, our friendship not close anymore.. something must have gone wrong. My granny left me.. I still sad and cry whenever I thought of her. In addition, for the past few days, I dreamt of her 3 times. I lost the job that I like... referring to Qatar but the pay is still a problem for me even though I enjoy the work.. LOL... , lost a good opportunity to be DNV class surveyor as I screw up because of asking if can I came back halfway the overseas training course due to my granny condition. So hope I got the job for NK surveyor trainee which I been waiting now, result be out the end of the month or early Nov 2011.
Did gain few bit, like finally got a job. But a job which I dont like and enjoyed. Have start acting like a robot, working without compassion. So dont think my career will advance far if I stay on and continue like this. Well, we see how it goes... (throwing all hope to the job offer from NK surveyor trainee). Still like to hang out late, as go back home early there's no bear lover waiting for me to hug and tug on his chest.... so loiter around the street and sing song that I just composed or mixed out.
Thats all... Please stop taking away things and start giving me what I chasing after.... Thanks!!! :)
So back to Westlife, after knowing their split. I went online and make a pre-order of the exclusive greatest hitbox set but missed the one with their signature. It was sold out.. 500 copies.. sold out... why not 1000 copies? or 500 copies each for a country! And this shocking news, somehow makes my mind lead to those events happen this year 2011. I feel a lot of things had been taken away this year, 2 good friends of mine had moved to lived in another country and 1 good friend kind of kept a distance with me though we still keep in touch by SMS, our friendship not close anymore.. something must have gone wrong. My granny left me.. I still sad and cry whenever I thought of her. In addition, for the past few days, I dreamt of her 3 times. I lost the job that I like... referring to Qatar but the pay is still a problem for me even though I enjoy the work.. LOL... , lost a good opportunity to be DNV class surveyor as I screw up because of asking if can I came back halfway the overseas training course due to my granny condition. So hope I got the job for NK surveyor trainee which I been waiting now, result be out the end of the month or early Nov 2011.
Did gain few bit, like finally got a job. But a job which I dont like and enjoyed. Have start acting like a robot, working without compassion. So dont think my career will advance far if I stay on and continue like this. Well, we see how it goes... (throwing all hope to the job offer from NK surveyor trainee). Still like to hang out late, as go back home early there's no bear lover waiting for me to hug and tug on his chest.... so loiter around the street and sing song that I just composed or mixed out.
Thats all... Please stop taking away things and start giving me what I chasing after.... Thanks!!! :)
Friday, 14 October 2011
Many thoughts today
Yesterday on my way to work... I start thinking for the past 2 nights I dream of my granny who just passed away about a month ago. Wondering why I didn't ask her how is she doing over there? Has she known I miss her? Did she know I kind of depressed?
I really had no idea what is my job scope and what am I doing in that company. I feel I can't contribute anything to the company and it affects my salary which I feel is kind of low as well as career advancement. Will work for one month and see how it goes.
That Surveyor company please help... offer me, please!!!!! I need you very badly...
Was so bored with my job and is Friday, so ring out my after buddy, Bert, who will not fall in love with me even the world left only me. He is just like Jj or both the same, can be a good friend but no more further than that. We went to watch "What is your number", is a funny love comedy. Anyway, the movie did touch about been myself been what you are and not what people want you or you want to make yourself so that people can accept you. Yes, saying it is easy but doing it takes times and sometimes you don't realise that you are not yourself which I think I always forget. Another thought which came from the movie is dream, goal and marriage. I was wondering will I ever able to get married to a man I love and live with him happily. Is that possible in my future? And will I able to have my own child which required me to find a surrogate mother or female friends or friend sister or any female who willingly wanna help me to conceive a child for me?
As I thinking about all these, it is 3.00AM, Saturday... I should be asleep now....
I really had no idea what is my job scope and what am I doing in that company. I feel I can't contribute anything to the company and it affects my salary which I feel is kind of low as well as career advancement. Will work for one month and see how it goes.
That Surveyor company please help... offer me, please!!!!! I need you very badly...
Was so bored with my job and is Friday, so ring out my after buddy, Bert, who will not fall in love with me even the world left only me. He is just like Jj or both the same, can be a good friend but no more further than that. We went to watch "What is your number", is a funny love comedy. Anyway, the movie did touch about been myself been what you are and not what people want you or you want to make yourself so that people can accept you. Yes, saying it is easy but doing it takes times and sometimes you don't realise that you are not yourself which I think I always forget. Another thought which came from the movie is dream, goal and marriage. I was wondering will I ever able to get married to a man I love and live with him happily. Is that possible in my future? And will I able to have my own child which required me to find a surrogate mother or female friends or friend sister or any female who willingly wanna help me to conceive a child for me?
As I thinking about all these, it is 3.00AM, Saturday... I should be asleep now....
Thursday, 13 October 2011
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
My 2nd Job Upon Graduation
Well, guess what! I didn't create a regret moment for my life as yesterday I had attended and gone for the Surveyor job interview. The result will be known by the end of the month or early November, whether I got it or not? It doesn't matter to me but I do hope I can join and work with them.
Today went for my 1st day of the job, a deskbound job which I nearly survive. Looking at drawing and now got to prepare for the calculation. I don't know if I can stay long for this job, as I not used to work fully in office. Furthermore, looking around the office people, I don't think there is much career advancement for me in the dept and company.
A very good friend/pal/buddy, Will from Sydney, just WhatsApp me today and told me of his recent promotion as a Director who will in charge of half of the department. I happy and yet give me a thought. Should I still chasing after and work for my career to be like my friend, Will and Ari, who is a CEO in a big communication company in one of the Europe country? I feel the more I look upon it, the more it went further. Maybe I have been trying too hard and I should better off just been a normal working adult, work for the sake of living and earn enough for your own self to enjoy the fine holiday.
Definitely, if I stay in this company for long, there won't be much career advancement but just easily contented salary and earn enough thru out your life till the end of your day in the earth.
Lastly, please... the surveyor company offer me.... that's the only chance I could get out of this company now.....
Today went for my 1st day of the job, a deskbound job which I nearly survive. Looking at drawing and now got to prepare for the calculation. I don't know if I can stay long for this job, as I not used to work fully in office. Furthermore, looking around the office people, I don't think there is much career advancement for me in the dept and company.
A very good friend/pal/buddy, Will from Sydney, just WhatsApp me today and told me of his recent promotion as a Director who will in charge of half of the department. I happy and yet give me a thought. Should I still chasing after and work for my career to be like my friend, Will and Ari, who is a CEO in a big communication company in one of the Europe country? I feel the more I look upon it, the more it went further. Maybe I have been trying too hard and I should better off just been a normal working adult, work for the sake of living and earn enough for your own self to enjoy the fine holiday.
Definitely, if I stay in this company for long, there won't be much career advancement but just easily contented salary and earn enough thru out your life till the end of your day in the earth.
Lastly, please... the surveyor company offer me.... that's the only chance I could get out of this company now.....
Sunday, 2 October 2011
I am mentally ill and crazy....
I went out roaming in streets again tonight from 1000pm till now about 0120am along woodlands road to Kranji... I am depressed and stress as well.. I realised I have separate personalities and maybe going worst in future I not too sure of.
Today we had a big family gathering with my mother's family. I went to West Coast Plaza mall to rent and read manga books over there till 5pm I start to move off to my youngest uncle hse (Granny hse). While walking from the plaza to the hse, it reminds me of the past 2 months which I spend my time visiting my granny and bring her in a wheelchair from the hse to the market and vice versa. Immediately, my eyes have tears. I wipe and just go and meet my family up and tell myself don't think too much.. Granny had gone.
Yes, day time in front of my family member and any people I add normal as I am, but when alone I went crazy.. back to the earlier I had mentioned roaming in streets.. I cry out and calling my granny, telling her I still not able to move on.. because she took care of me when I am young and saw me from baby to adult almost 30s. In my life, I only have one granny who is still alive when I was born and that's she.. but she was gone... I also ask her I crazy... initially had a job offer of 3.5k I rejected... and now when accepting a job which is 3.2k... and so unlucky that got an interview from my dream job and company.. I stupidity call the job agent to see and tell him the truth what happens and see if he can delay my start work or forfeit the job offer as I never signed. I know is a big mistake to tell the truth to the job agent and now I decided don't care bout it... Just go with the work and when I knew the date of the interview just go and take unpaid leave... I did also prepare if they really find fault to me I pay the penalty which is the one month of the salary to the agent. This is what I crying and telling my granny while walking along the street regardless if there is any passerby...
I also tell her, when she around I also very sad and can't face the reality because of her stroke condition. I pray to God please bring her away... I am barely able to look at her eyes directly though I always try to crack jokes to her in front of the family. When God really listen to me and take her away, I am sad as well, my heart and mind still not able to let go and move on still crying...
Don't you think my mental condition has problem while writing this blog my tears still dripping...
If anyone had read it and ask me how am I, I will say I am fine even if I am not... in fact I not sure.
Because I lost my mind... this hour, minute and second, I am different and switching my personalities I may not aware... I thought I will be fine and my mum is worst and need to look after... Didn't expects I am the one who suffered such a great impact...
Today we had a big family gathering with my mother's family. I went to West Coast Plaza mall to rent and read manga books over there till 5pm I start to move off to my youngest uncle hse (Granny hse). While walking from the plaza to the hse, it reminds me of the past 2 months which I spend my time visiting my granny and bring her in a wheelchair from the hse to the market and vice versa. Immediately, my eyes have tears. I wipe and just go and meet my family up and tell myself don't think too much.. Granny had gone.
Yes, day time in front of my family member and any people I add normal as I am, but when alone I went crazy.. back to the earlier I had mentioned roaming in streets.. I cry out and calling my granny, telling her I still not able to move on.. because she took care of me when I am young and saw me from baby to adult almost 30s. In my life, I only have one granny who is still alive when I was born and that's she.. but she was gone... I also ask her I crazy... initially had a job offer of 3.5k I rejected... and now when accepting a job which is 3.2k... and so unlucky that got an interview from my dream job and company.. I stupidity call the job agent to see and tell him the truth what happens and see if he can delay my start work or forfeit the job offer as I never signed. I know is a big mistake to tell the truth to the job agent and now I decided don't care bout it... Just go with the work and when I knew the date of the interview just go and take unpaid leave... I did also prepare if they really find fault to me I pay the penalty which is the one month of the salary to the agent. This is what I crying and telling my granny while walking along the street regardless if there is any passerby...
I also tell her, when she around I also very sad and can't face the reality because of her stroke condition. I pray to God please bring her away... I am barely able to look at her eyes directly though I always try to crack jokes to her in front of the family. When God really listen to me and take her away, I am sad as well, my heart and mind still not able to let go and move on still crying...
Don't you think my mental condition has problem while writing this blog my tears still dripping...
If anyone had read it and ask me how am I, I will say I am fine even if I am not... in fact I not sure.
Because I lost my mind... this hour, minute and second, I am different and switching my personalities I may not aware... I thought I will be fine and my mum is worst and need to look after... Didn't expects I am the one who suffered such a great impact...
Saturday, 1 October 2011
My Voice My Song
Guess what!! You guys and gals must be saying I'm crazy LOL... but I dont care cos is my blog...
So I have the right to post it even if the public dont like to hear it... Is just for fun and self satisfaction!
So I have the right to post it even if the public dont like to hear it... Is just for fun and self satisfaction!
Back For Good
Promise (Chinese)
爱的呼唤
谁会记得我
分享爱
I Have A Dream
Love Is The Answer
Season In The Sun
Friday, 23 September 2011
24/09/2011 Self Reflection and Thought
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Wednesday, 14 September 2011
Recently wrote in 2011 bout the missing 2010.....
04-08-2011
2011-08-04 23:12
2011! The last blog I wrote was in 2009... Time flies fast...
What happens my life in 2010?...
Gain
-I finally graduated with 1st Class honours, Bachelor Degree.
-Visited Stockholm, Sweden
-Out overseas to work in the Middle East, Qatar
-Start a long distance of relationship again..
-Visited Bahrain, UAE (Abu Dhabi)
Loss
-I break off the friendship with him.... as I break the line... jealousy control over me.. and lead to anger...
-I declared my dad is dead... why.. I don't want to talk bout it.
-The relationship doesn't last long... end badly... ( Story begin by him, written by him.. and so ended by him also...)
And now in 2011, I have more losses than gaining. Guess is a deep dark valley for me and I had to walk through for the time being. But life still needs to go on.. so by keep walking, there be a path out of the valley and see the light again. :)
What happens my life in 2010?...
Gain
-I finally graduated with 1st Class honours, Bachelor Degree.
-Visited Stockholm, Sweden
-Out overseas to work in the Middle East, Qatar
-Start a long distance of relationship again..
-Visited Bahrain, UAE (Abu Dhabi)
Loss
-I break off the friendship with him.... as I break the line... jealousy control over me.. and lead to anger...
-I declared my dad is dead... why.. I don't want to talk bout it.
-The relationship doesn't last long... end badly... ( Story begin by him, written by him.. and so ended by him also...)
And now in 2011, I have more losses than gaining. Guess is a deep dark valley for me and I had to walk through for the time being. But life still needs to go on.. so by keep walking, there be a path out of the valley and see the light again. :)
Bringing back my life from other site to public for year 2009
Student!!! Yeah.. been a student at my mid-twenties... hahahaha... and hit a wall in love that I pursuit.. but is alright... seem like I didn't care to contact him now.. he is in relationship.. move on.. and he did tell me we will never happen!
Bringing back my life from other site to public for year 2008
2008 I had no ideal what did I went thru... Is CRAZY. I didn't know what happened to myself.. why and how did I wrote that hahaha... and worst who is that guy I referring to in 2008-03-23 12:17????
"What Is Love"
2008-12-14 00:34
"What Is Love"
Is it a truth?
Or is it a fear?
Is it a rose to for my valentine?
What is love?
Is it only words?
I'm trying to find?
Or is it the way,that we're feeling now?
What is love?
If love is truth,then let it break my heart.
If love is fear,lead me to the dark.
If love is a game,i'm playing all my cards.
What is love?
A pain or a cure?
A scienece of faith?
A reason to fall to your knees and die?
What is love?
If love is truth,then let it break my heart.
If love is fear,lead me to the dark.
If love is a game,i'm playing all my cards.
What is love?
Only you can save me now.
Only you can heal me now.
Only you can show me now, what is love.
Or is it a truth?
Or is it a fear?
Is it a rose for my valentine?
What is love?
What is love?
小虎队----爱
2008-09-27 15:18
小虎队----爱 把你的心 我的心 串一串 串一株幸運草 串一個同心圓 讓所有期待未來的呼喚 趁青春做個伴 別讓年輕愈長大愈孤單 把我的幸運草種在你的夢田 讓地球隨我們的同心圓 永遠的不停轉 向天空大聲的呼喚 說聲愛你 向那流浪的白雲 說聲我想你 讓那天空聽得見 讓那白雲看得見 誰也擦不掉我們酗U的諾言 想帶你一起看大海 說聲我愛你 給你最亮的星星 說聲我想你 聽聽大海的誓言 看看執著的藍天 讓我們自由自在的戀愛 That's what I will do for my love one.. hahhahahaha...... :)
Strong
2008-08-28 23:09
Well, guess this song "Strong" reflect for me in past few days and this days. :)
Strong by Robbie Williams
My breath smells of a thousand fags
And when Im drunk I dance like me dad
Ive started to dress a bit like him
Early morning when I wake up
I look like kiss but without the make up
And thats a good line to take it to the bridge
And you know and you know
Cos my lifes a mess
And Im trying to grow so before Im old I'll confess
You think that Im strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song
My beds full of takeaways and fantasies
Of easy lays
The pause buttons broke on my video
And is this real cos I feel fake
Oprah winfrey ricki lake
Teach me things I dont need to know
And you know and you know
Cos my lifes a mess
And its starting to show so before Im old I'll confess
You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song
If I did it all again Id be a nun
The rain was never cold when I was young
Im still young were still young
Lifes too short to be afraid
Step inside the sun
And you know and you know
Cos my lifes a mess
And Im trying to grow
And you know and you know
You think that Im strong youre wrong
Youre wrong
Ill sing my song my song my song
You think that Im strong youre wrong
Youre wrong
Ill sing my song my song my song
Lifes too short to be afraid So take a pill to numb the pain
You dont have to take the blame
Lifes too short to be afraid So take a pill to numb the pain
You dont have to take the blame
Lifes too short to be afraid So take a pill to numb the pain
You dont have to take the blame
Just another moment of talking to myself
2008-08-09 01:17
Why still single? So you flirting around? Are you a cock teaser? Hahahaha..... Single? Haven't found the Mr Right yet. Yes, I do flirt around with guys. :) Well, why not? I'm single I love to cock tease people. For friends who knows me well, I always tease them and make them "hard" I supposed hehehehehehe (Do I??) Did I ever love someone seriously before? Yes, everybody at least had once before. I had two in my life so far. 1st one was 4 yrs ago a local guy (J) but is just a one-way love I supposed. So he really likes me or loves me I not too sure. But I can say I still love him in my heart. The 2nd one was from overseas (Jj). And I started to keep a distance away... No point waiting and hoping one day I will be there with him when he already let go of you and want you to find a better one. No more sweetie here and there. I've put a stop for it. Move on and keep his love inside my heart too. So far only 2 lah.. Others that I had been.. hahahah are just dating, teasing, having fun with. I do have the feeling with them but not as serious as the two I had mentioned. Some find out that they are not my Mr.Right or I'm not their Mr Right or us just simply wanna have fun without any string.... Yeee... Haaaa.. (That's me K)
Thats my feeling tonight....
2008-06-22 23:46
Did you know when you\'re around
My heart won\'t it can\'t slow down
It beats so hard it makes it hard
To catch my breath, to catch my breath
Don\'t ever ask me if I\'m sorry
Or that I\'m here with you
Baby you can bet
I don\'t regret the guys
I never knew
Every day\'s another first
Another change for me
To fall in love with you
And I do:
Did you know when you\'re around
My heart won\'t it can\'t slow down
It beats so hard it makes it hard
To catch my breath, to catch my breath
Oh.. when you\'re with me I stop seeing
Any way to fail how do
I explain I try to tell you what
I\'m feeling But how do I when all words pale
Did you know when you\'re around
My heart won\'t, it can\'t slow down
It beats so hard it makes it hard
To catch my breath, to catch my breath
Did you know when you\'re around
My heart won\'t, it can\'t slow down
It beats so hard it makes it hard
To catch my breath, to catch my breath
To catch my breath, to catch my breath
To catch my breath, to catch my breath
Just been emotional....
2008-06-15 01:42
Thank you in advance
For the love you'll give me.
I've glance of the good life
You'll be there when nobody believe me
I've gone through it all in my mind.
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there till the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Have you ever loved somebody so much it make you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
WHAT I LEARN FROM SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE
2008-06-01 02:05
I think after all everybody is looking for love.... someone whom they want to be with and spend the happy times moment together. Yes, LOVE is a must.. but don't forget bout your friends. They are important as well. They are always there for you when you are sad, lonely and had problems. In this movie, I saw true love and true friendship. And got to learn been true to yourself and choose the things that are best for you. But is just a movie, it could be like our fairytale story.... (HAPPILY EVER AFTER) Anyway, is a good lovely movie. Did saw a guy I like in the movie... Hahahaha... MR. BIG.. Such a gorgeous guy.... I love him. (I mean outlook and inner wise nah.. just a movie character not the real person's character). :)
MY LOVE
2008-05-25 15:07
Since I love you, I would like to see my love to be happy and not sad. I don't like to force my love to do things that he doesn't like but will support my love for doing things that he likes. To make sure he's happy. If I can't accept the way he is, I will still love him but leave him as he is. As I know we are not able to be together and I'm not his Mr Right anymore. Is time for us to be apart and becomes friends. All I want is to make sure my love is happy. And I will be happy to see him happy as well.
Anyone want to buy my contract?
2008-04-06 23:07
These days my work sucks.... Getting more and more work task and difficult to handle for me. Is either my manager looked highly on me or I suck (meaning I not able to perform to the standard) Almost every weekday I working till 8pm or 10pm... And the next day woke up 545am for work again. Weekend for both day got to work too..... Arrgghhh.... Worst is I like to have my personal time doing my own things... ended I have lesser time for my sleeping time... like 4 or 5 hrs.... Started to have stupid thought when I on my way to work... Wished the bus I'm travelling now caught a serious accident and I got injured ended in the hospital.... Or hope someone good buys my contract so I free from that stupid work... LOL... Dream on dream on.... Argghhhhhh.....
Is been long.... Where have you been?
2008-03-23 12:17
I will not be letting you. Have been quietly waiting for you..... :)And now I got you.. You did make my day happy now... :)
Been worst and nasty...What had happened?
2008-03-20 00:10
I have been getting more and more impatient and frustrated with everything. I am not used to be chatty, sweet, flirty and nice guy nowadays. There's a few reasons for it I supposed and I think should not be supposed but confirmation. I have been working for 16 days non-stop come back to work on weekend Saturday, Sunday and even my reservist day I still got work to do at home as I bring the work back home. Rushing to finish that work. I need a rest day and I mean work free.... I have to admit I do meet up a few nice guys for the past few months.. but they are either attached, dating with someone, staying overseas, or just wanna have fun no string attached.... I know I should wait and my time will come.... I told myself that too... But it would be nice to have in a way as when I so work out, I still have him. Someone that makes me put all the frustrating things and work aside. And looking forward to seeing him, hug him, lay around with him because to me having him is the happiest time I ever had.... I'm a very emotional person.. and lots of people say I should control my feeling and not to let it control me so easily... I know but I really can't control, sorry. I still can't get over with my last date..... Why he wanna break my limits. I have given all I could.. even the hxxe I have given him too.. what he still want? Love is not always giving and always take.... Wonder did you give me before? I do like and love you if not I wouldn't, why I still can't forget bout you and bitchy it out in the diary.. You don't bring me to the pub. I listen to you, I let you go alone there and I stay at home. I've been honest to you, I told you everything bout my past and what I doing now... But what did I get? Is the words from you that hurt me ("Where are you?" Are you having fun with a guy" or "Are you sucking dick now")... Did I get angry? Yes, I do but I like you so much I give way to you.... The worst is you tell me you don't trust me after knowing what I been through the past. But isn't a past is past? So someone who had done wrong cant gets a new life? I was young and I believe everybody during the young time, try out a lot of things... as curious make people explorer.. and after a long time they finally know what they want... So I know what I want and what I looking for.. If you still think I'm the same as the past let it be.. Is your mind and brain.. I have no choice... But to give way to you. As I like you. Everybody had its own limit.. You break my limit as you acting like a girl to me. You are so indecisive.... Just give me a straight answer... Yes or No. Is so simple.. Don't bushed around with someone who is waiting for you the whole day. I still kept his message till now as I cant believe he's such a girl. I really hope he could change one day. I arranged my work to do all Sunday and let saturday time to be free for him.... He text me afternoon he got something caught up lets meet on the evening at 8pm... I went out with my straight couple friends movie while waiting for him. bout 730 text him but no reply and only get his reply bout 10 mins later. Not even a sorry words come in but telling me I overslept and still in bed give me some time... I give him the time and I told him I will wait and ask my couple friends to go to other places without me as I waited for him. Its was coming to 8pm, he texts me what I wanna do... I told we can go for dinner, or just walk around... he says he still in bed.. That makes me nuts... So I asked him if he still wants to come out? or not? He replies to me I not sure as I still lying on the bed.... That's it... I hate that... is like a girl indecisive.. I mean you are a guy, a big guy, just give me a straight answer whether you want to come out and see me that's it.. stop asking me the whole day what are we gonna do and make me wait and looking forward the whole day... and ask me "I not sure I still in bed" So what the pools here thinking? I know I'm bitchy and I shouldn't but as I say these days is so crazy I would say lol........
Crazy tonight 08032008
2008-03-09 02:32
Went movie "Step Up 2" Dress and do some nice style for my hair and waiting for someone. Anyone then someone didn't turn up he just makes me sick lol hahahah.... I went crazy tonight anyway.... Went dancing with my group of straight friends in 'DOUBLE O" and Mohammad Sultan... and out alone to "Tantric" for a drink and move out to "BACKSTAGE" for another drink. Didn't picks up and guys just say hi and bye to some friends that happen to meet up in the bar. And back home.... I can't believe I do such crazy things ( I mean to me is crazy hahahha) I dont go to "TANTRIC" or "BACKSTAGE" alone but tonight I did it...... and on my way to flag a cab I dance and sing loudly in the street hahhahahha so KUKU...... What a crazy night for me....
Dating again... bad moved hahahahaha
2008-03-04 00:49
Ok, foolish again. What to say.... As Sean say I easily go all way out to someone I really like. And ended ruin it and got out of nothing hahahha.... Sean was not around me anymore so can't cry out loud. I still remember the time I cry out loud in the public lol..... He was there beside me... And seen my stupid drama lol hahhaha... Yes, I have to admit when coming to like someone or in love or relationship. I'm not really good at and know how to deal with it. I totally suck.... Hahahhaha....... I can't express out what I want and what I looking for clearly and straight to people. Making things worst and worst and ended nothing but turn me as a jerk, slut or bitch or whatever lah... hahhahahha.... My ex used to say he's a bitch.. or fat or ugly... I'm also lah now... A bitch and growing fat also lah.... outlook is cute but insight is ugly lah.....What to do face the fact and move on.... It hurts but I have to go through it is part of life .. No one fault but is my fault for being so emotional.... and spiteful and later on back to normal.... Is like a mad person lol hahahhahahahahhaha........ After reading my blog, better don't get too close to me.. hahahahhahah... If you wanna take the risk go ahead but be warned...
Suddenly Back to my Old Life hahaha...
2008-02-17 01:38
Back in 2002 and 2003. I remember I used to walk from places to places during the weekend. And my walk means long walk hahahah not window shopping. The longest record I remember was from Bt Panjang to Orchard. The route is from Upper Bt Timah Road to Newton Circus and turn into Orchard Road. It took me 3hr and 45 mins. And now, not sure what happened to me these few days. I started to pick up running. And on 16/02/2008 I went hardcore to run from Bt Panjang to Serangoon (Tekka Market). It took me 2hrs. Hahahaha... Upgraded me from walking to running. Now my legs are very tired..... Hahahha..... But I'm proud of myself for doing this and feel achieve something though others may think is weird and crazy. hahahahaha
RETRO MUSIC.......
2008-02-03 03:11
Thinking in square rooms a human without illusions
Sad strains on a sad face is that what we've come to?
Is the world bold this love old moving nowhere and it's gonna cold.
The wind stops the clouds go we're all alone.
Oh Oh I know I can see those.
Oh oh I know I can see those.
I can feel those I can see those.
Oh oh square rooms oh oh square rooms.
They don't listen they don't care if a man is in despair.
Oh oh square rooms oh oh square rooms. ...
Walks long and long clears the vision of one with one
And you still move me you undo me like you've always done.
But I realize now we've not made you out of words now
Just you and me just you and me until the end of time.
Oh oh I know I can see those. . . .
Oh oh square rooms oh oh square rooms. ...
Oh oh square rooms oh oh square rooms. ...
Oh Oh square rooms oh oh square rooms. ...
Do you guys remember this song? Yes, is an 80's music. I like retro music and this is one of the songs I like and dance in the club and sad to say only in the straight or mixed club-like Zouk and Double O will play these songs in their retro nite. I don't hear or maybe hardly heard this song played in any of the gay clubs. Maybe I was wrong cus I don't go gay club often. I started to like retro music and dancing during my polytechnic years with my poly mates. It was 2001 like 7 years ago hahahah..... so long and the retro music still the same till now 2008 which I had gone tonight at double O. But a few songs was faced out such as summer rain (one of my favourite), Forevermore and one or two others songs. I can see there's a big change in the club or should say I'm old hahahaha.... Most of the crowd there are 18 to 23 and rarely mid-20s and above. Looking back that's my age I started to come to the club. So is just bringing new blood and probably the old blood went to other clubs like MOS or St James. The way the crowd's dance was big difference too. 1st is they had innovated the dance move, which makes me feel totally outdated hahhahahaha..... 2nd is the people are dancing in a big group like 15 to 20 and doing the same dance moves. I was impressed with them as the whole scene looks cool and great on the dance floor. Is more like a line dancing now :)... Well, anyway that makes me missed the club, Midnight Shift, the gay club in Sydney. I really love enjoying that place. They played nice songs and music, and I enjoy dancing over there. Was so great... gonna visit there again. :)
Looking Back..... 2003 to 2007
2008-01-14 00:59
Wow.. time fly very fast.... Remember when I 1st started coming out was 21 yr old. Yup very young.. I went to sgboy and post an ad to try out meeting guys. I want to know about my sexual orientation. Hahahha.... and yup I like to be with guys and had fun with guys lol..... Throughout the 4 years, I do meet up nice and good looking (in my eyes) guys. And I do really enjoyed the fun and laughter together. But none of them wanted me for more .. hahahaha they just wanna fun will do. They always said to me I still young still have a long way to go. I shouldn't be looking for this thing called LOVE. This year I'll be 26. Wandering if I went back to them, will they say I still young? Hahahha probably... I guess.... Some may have attached some may really just want to be single... Nevertheless, I still like guys who are older in the 30s and big built... My preference hasn't changed at all.
Take That : Rule The World
2008-01-06 12:49
The more I listen the more I like it. Intro to u "Rule The World" from Take That. :)
Take That : Rule The World
You light the skies, up above me
A star, so bright, you blind me, yeah
Don't close your eyes
Don't fade away, don't fade away-
Oh Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world-
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world-
If walls break down,
I will comfort you
If angels cry, oh I'll be there for you
You've saved my soul
Don't leave me now, don't leave me now
Oh Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world
Yeah you and me, we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world- Ooooooooh
All the stars are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you
All the stars are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you- Ooooooooh
Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world
Yeah you and me, we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world
All the stars are coming out tonight (oooooooh)
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-
All the stars are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you,for you-
All the stars, are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-
All the stars, are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you,for you-
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