Guess was too relaxed and happy that I got the contract signed that I didnt update my blog. Thought I won't write any sad stuff over here, I was wrong. Just a few days back, I hunt down a Canadian Bear in the forest, the bear called Homeboi. As I said previously, I dont have high hope for long distance relationship and thus I didnt went serious taking care of the bear. I continue do my usual bear hunting at the same time, regularly come and feed the Homeboi. The time I spend with Homeboi, was enjoyable and happy. I believe he enjoyed my lovely sweet chat company as well as I always do to people I like.
We both also thanks Steve Job, for creating Iphone to make us closer and had make communication easy and accessible. Till the day before, somehow, I got a headshot of a bear from States, a trained Military General bear, called Carter. This bear came approached me, I just been do my usual normal firing and didnt expect to had a headshot of him. He send me an email of his contact and I respond to him as well. The 2nd email he sent to me was telling me about his background and the kind of love he looking for and believe.
"I want a happy life with true Love because it's good to love someone and that person loves you back the same way."
I replied to him and agree with him but however I focusing on my career now and also quoted back the kind of love I believe.
"If he is for you he is meant for you, no matter how you treat him or missed him as long as you did love him, he is always been there waiting for you because he is waiting for your attention through out his life as his love toward you is lifetime and time doesnt change his love towards you."
I had read my quote to my very good sister, Steph, today. Her feed back to me was, are you writing a marriage vow? Her reply make me think if my quote is too romatic, childish, or sweet?
Anyway, this bear, Carter, have intention of coming to visit Singapore Rainforest. I am always happy to welcome bear visit me in Singapore, but I have fear of this bear. We were chatting online 2 days ago, he wanted me to be his lover, and want me to stick with him be a true and the lover that he want. He emphasis that I must not cheated on him and he be nice and take care of me. My fear arised the more he chatted to me but how much he wants me and how life gonna be when we together. I only knew him for 2 or 3 days, to be honest, not even really knew him at all. We just exchange email for twice only and 10mins of chatting, he had considered me as a lover. Thats remind me of Nicholas from Melbourne, my ex-date (but JJ always say is my lovely BF), a very dominant, possessive, control man. I not into this type of guy, yes physically he is the kind of bear I like but personality no. I would suffered and had my life with fear. I dont like my life to be control, if we really love each other a mutual undestanding will build up and each other will know how to give and take, would not control each other life. Because the life is not just one person anymore, is two person living together life, so none of one can't take the whole control of it. Is there anyone understand? Did I make my words cleared? Or maybe I'm wrong? This is my thought I will stick with that unless during my learning life I learn and find out something different and I will change my thought again.
After the convesation with Carter, I asked him if he read my last email that I focusing my career. He told me didnt and will read later once he back home. So I told him better read before you make any decision. Today is the 2nd day, I did not received any email from him so guess, he get my meaning, I am not the guy that he expecting to be. During the chat, I told him, he is looking for someone that want to settle down now with him and that guy is not me.
Immediately, I share this news to my Canadian bear, homeboi, he get pissed off and send me regards and blessing that a bear is coming to me. He even started to reply me with words that is not usual him and cut me off suddenly. Later a while, he told me the truth that he had put all his heart and time for me during the last few days. I finally realised that he had been really serious about me, and due to my loss of confidence or believe in long distance relationship I didnt really had thought of his feelings. I am to blame, if I knew and realised early I would have chat and approach him in another way. We later did talk about it again, however I somehow make it worst. I know he is trying hard to convince me to believe in it, but I still dont accept it. Maybe, we didnt know each other long enough or maybe I really loss hope and give up on it due to my last 2 long distance relationship is a failure. Ended I told him similar things that what JJ had told me before, to believe that Canada had good Asian Hunter to take care of him, the chances is slim but if you believe it, it will happen. I do love homeboi but we both are far apart, we have to accept it. However, Homeboi denied my love towards him, he believe if you really love that person you wont ask that person to leave. But he forgotten and dont understand my last message I send to him, "He need to update me regularly of his status". He did re-read the message, but he wont update me, because he say there no point and no meaning of it. Even I insist, he refused, and he even told me he wont read my blog again from now on. Will we still keep in contact, he say will but not now will be a long while.
I guess only some may or may not understand why I request him a must to update me his status?
In year 1999, Aaron Kwok come out with an EP album, one of the song I heard it and find one sentences very meaningful.
"爱我不一地要永远拥有我，人生从从烦脑以经太多，最为大的爱情是让对方过的快乐，最好你完记，你完记了我。"
Thus, thats what I doing to Homeboi, however, to make sure he is had really found a love one and happily living. I need to know his status. Hence, I demand him to update me, who knows if one day he still havent found his love and living happily and I have achieved my success, I will come to him and give him the happiness that he is searching all these years.
At that same night, after Homeboi shut me off, I feel sad and I really thought he can be someone like JJ, a very very close person that I can talk to and support whenever I need. As JJ always there for me, support me, give me attention when I need, been sweet to each other, leting me be who am I as he accepted who am I. The only difference with JJ and Homeboi was, my relationship with JJ were up to only close friend or family's brother and nothing more. For Homeboi isnt, Homeboi can be my lover/partner one day. I text to JJ that I was wrong, to believe there can other person in my life like him very very close person, but I was wrong, there can only be one and thats JJ and thank him for having him in part of my life.
Also last few days, my good sister, Steph, was having a hard and sad time. She cut off the ropes finally because she tired of figuring how to untie the knot of the rope. I dont want to go to the details, but is bit similar to Homeboi and I. Just that her's is really in a serious relationship which they had been together happily in Qatar for a year. Details of her story, I not going to share or put, it is her story not mine. However, when she cut off the rope alone at Korea, she called me and cried on the phone. I always thought that she is a strong and tough girl, still a girl is a girl when heart broken tears will fall.
I told her on the phone, dont think too much, go had an early rest, tomorrow start shopping think of what to buy and dont think of the rope again. Last night she came back from Korea, and I met her for dinner today, to make sure she is alright and also share with her my story with the bears. She also throw me a question regards to JJ, What I love about JJ? I told her, he is nice, sweet, good guy and always there for me and most importantly is he dont change me, he accept who am I. She told me when someone ask her about her the other, she cant answer. We still chatted other stuff regards to her, but is secret lol... Ladies secret gardens.
And is being very long time, I came across a girl cried on the other side of the phone and talking to me. The last time was 1999 with my very close female classmate Miss Teo, thanks to a hippocrypte guy, Pimple Face, who create lies story that break my frienship with her, because she rejected him and he cursed her for her failure for being arrogant and stated my name too, which I had no ideal why he did that. What happen was she really did badly for her 'O' level and she re take her 'O' level again. However, my friendship with her was re-unite and cleared, as we open up to each other to speak and find out the truth. As for the Pimple Face, he didnt just ruin my friendship with her, he also went to ruin other classmates, and our small group of friends had concluded him as Hippocrypte guy so his name had change from Pimple Face to Hippocrypte.
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