Tuesday, 12 November 2013
Shock..another got trouble... What am I doing?
Never thought that my friend older Sean, got CANCER!!!
What a surprise news just after my good friend, Will greeting my belated birthday.
Old Sean, is Max's boyfriend. Max is asian Singaporean man in mid 40s and acted like rich man (in my point of view) never like him at all as a person. However, Sean is friend of mine whom I knew 2009, whereby I took up a part time massage business on my own (Need money while study University). From thereon, we become friends rather than clients. We out couple of time, notti couple of times till I cant stand the nonsense that Max had put up (not against me but to others, I got many funny story I heard from friends regards to Max) that cause me better stay away from Max.
I sad that I didnt keep good contact with Sean much due to Max behavior. Feel bit sorry for that and knowing Sean having throat cancer and now undergoing chemotherapy.
The most memorable event Sean and I had was, we were out to Orchard and I make him walk from Orchard to Chinatown and ended in Backstage for drinks. He cursed and swear at me for making him walk that far LOL... I still remember hehehe Yes....Now, I not sure I able to catch up with him, I flying off this saturday to Tokyo due to work. Heard he is in serious condition, I hope I can see him after I come back.
Now I dont know what am I doing? Like the movie "EAT, PRAY, LOVE", I lost myself...
I cant be like Julian Robert character, to be such rich that can go tour by her own.
I not that rich, but I have tendacy to go jumping off from a building like my favourite Hong Kong's actor, Leslie Cheung, who did it. He did it because he lost and I lost as well. Whats my purpose of living in this world? Cant met and be with someone I love, Cant find anyone or things to do to satisfy my empty needs.. so what on earth am I suppose to do?
What am I doing?
Sunday, 13 October 2013
Definitely something wrong with me or is part and passer of life...
Today not sure felt suddenly down....
Reflect abit of here and there so found out I am person really hard to deal with.
Or maybe each of us are different so our expectation and demand are different so is ok.
I am normal?
Not sure, guess need a statistic report on human behaviour. Not sure whats my behaviour below to?
Life ok for me...
Dating with my Babe still continue and same lightly mood, which I feel ok and good.
Have I forgotten my Ex? No still not yet.
This weekend meeting my another Ex who work in Tokyo as he coming for conference meeting in Singapore. So we have a catch up to do.
He is still the same asshole, I would say! LOL..
If I not wrong, he is one of the youngest I ever date with 6yrs older than me.
I think I am gonna be crazy... or I am crazy...
Cos this moment I have a thought that there be a day I end my life myself because I am so bordom with my present life.
Is a coward move? No, I dont think so but is a move that come to a point you not sure who are you and where you belong to.
Even though, there are people out there still care and love you.
However, they are unreachable to my heart.
For those once and did reach into my heart will never did again cos they disappoint me.
So long farewell my blog..
Reflect abit of here and there so found out I am person really hard to deal with.
Or maybe each of us are different so our expectation and demand are different so is ok.
I am normal?
Not sure, guess need a statistic report on human behaviour. Not sure whats my behaviour below to?
Life ok for me...
Dating with my Babe still continue and same lightly mood, which I feel ok and good.
Have I forgotten my Ex? No still not yet.
This weekend meeting my another Ex who work in Tokyo as he coming for conference meeting in Singapore. So we have a catch up to do.
He is still the same asshole, I would say! LOL..
If I not wrong, he is one of the youngest I ever date with 6yrs older than me.
I think I am gonna be crazy... or I am crazy...
Cos this moment I have a thought that there be a day I end my life myself because I am so bordom with my present life.
Is a coward move? No, I dont think so but is a move that come to a point you not sure who are you and where you belong to.
Even though, there are people out there still care and love you.
However, they are unreachable to my heart.
For those once and did reach into my heart will never did again cos they disappoint me.
So long farewell my blog..
Monday, 30 September 2013
WHINING WHINING WHINING
Last night went to book and see a Astrologer regards to my life. LOL... Am I a believer of that? Erm... just go and check out and see whats can my Star tells me thats all.
Overall, is moderate or average result. Weak in love, career, blood circulation and brain problem.
However, my Income will still remain good and substainable through out my life.
In other words, he saying though I not enjoying my career but whatever job I into, earn me a good income so I wont be poor. LOL.. thats the only good part. The rest well.. some is true.. have strong emotional power... I do had headache when my emotional get into.
I also ask him about moving out of Singapore, he say the best time move out is now till early 2015...
So maybe 2014 mid I should start preparing my CV and send out to look for overseas job. At the same time, if my dating still ongoing smoothly, I got to discuss with my Babe. See what he suggest.
Ultimately, if he cant give a good suggestion, I will just move on been alone ranger to make my decision to get out of Singapore.
Think lately, due to a gay couple who wanna abolished A377 panel laws regulation in Singapore, caused the public to aware and have negative against the abolishment. This lead to media start looking for news that give negative reflection of the gay. I not sure why?
Other Europe countries, had also news state that Homosexual is the lead to man exitinction.
Actually, is not true we gay dont want man to extinction!!! We will produce children as well if only you allow us to find surrogate mother!!!
There are thought coming to my head also want to challenge my goverment or put out to the public.
If I married a girl that I dont love at all, I just want to have own children. Is it fair to the girl?
If I dont married, I cant have children because goverment dont allow surrogate. Is it fair to me that you blame me the extinction or never want to help the country population growth.
Tell me what should be the right way!!
Forgot about telling me to turn my life straight! Is a fact that gay exist and no way can a gay turn his sexual orientation striaght. Bi-sexual I believe but is the worst and not faithful to either sexual partner unless both partners dont mind having sharing and into 3some.
Thats all folks!
Overall, is moderate or average result. Weak in love, career, blood circulation and brain problem.
However, my Income will still remain good and substainable through out my life.
In other words, he saying though I not enjoying my career but whatever job I into, earn me a good income so I wont be poor. LOL.. thats the only good part. The rest well.. some is true.. have strong emotional power... I do had headache when my emotional get into.
I also ask him about moving out of Singapore, he say the best time move out is now till early 2015...
So maybe 2014 mid I should start preparing my CV and send out to look for overseas job. At the same time, if my dating still ongoing smoothly, I got to discuss with my Babe. See what he suggest.
Ultimately, if he cant give a good suggestion, I will just move on been alone ranger to make my decision to get out of Singapore.
Think lately, due to a gay couple who wanna abolished A377 panel laws regulation in Singapore, caused the public to aware and have negative against the abolishment. This lead to media start looking for news that give negative reflection of the gay. I not sure why?
Other Europe countries, had also news state that Homosexual is the lead to man exitinction.
Actually, is not true we gay dont want man to extinction!!! We will produce children as well if only you allow us to find surrogate mother!!!
There are thought coming to my head also want to challenge my goverment or put out to the public.
If I married a girl that I dont love at all, I just want to have own children. Is it fair to the girl?
If I dont married, I cant have children because goverment dont allow surrogate. Is it fair to me that you blame me the extinction or never want to help the country population growth.
Tell me what should be the right way!!
Forgot about telling me to turn my life straight! Is a fact that gay exist and no way can a gay turn his sexual orientation striaght. Bi-sexual I believe but is the worst and not faithful to either sexual partner unless both partners dont mind having sharing and into 3some.
Thats all folks!
Tuesday, 24 September 2013
Maybe this can be a story to write...
Having my lunch break and suddenly a thought came into my mind.
What's thought had came into my mind?
Writing a story based on my last relationship with some twist LOL...
Yes, a love story see if anyone here ever really read it and not sure is it a long or short story.
Definitely, wont review my X sweetie real name. If he found out I used his full name, guess I be totally got hated by him.. Which I think not bad LOL.. as that mean him remember me all his life.
Anyway, I change him to her and so is his name.
It wont be a gay story but a normal love story.. ermm.... interesting....
So when I start writing erm... not sure... almost forget to tell you.
The rest of the character include me will be using actual person name.
Hahahaha.....
So is half true half false story.....
Good luck!!!
What's thought had came into my mind?
Writing a story based on my last relationship with some twist LOL...
Yes, a love story see if anyone here ever really read it and not sure is it a long or short story.
Definitely, wont review my X sweetie real name. If he found out I used his full name, guess I be totally got hated by him.. Which I think not bad LOL.. as that mean him remember me all his life.
Anyway, I change him to her and so is his name.
It wont be a gay story but a normal love story.. ermm.... interesting....
So when I start writing erm... not sure... almost forget to tell you.
The rest of the character include me will be using actual person name.
Hahahaha.....
So is half true half false story.....
Good luck!!!
Monday, 23 September 2013
Lost or should say Down sydrome again
Few days ago, had quarrel with my X sweetie. I really dont understand why he always reply me so late or sometime dont reply to my question. It really make me annoyed... that I shut him off by sending him how pissed I am that he shut me off!!!
On the other hand, why am get so tense and stress up when dealing with my X sweetie? Yes, I still Love him... this old man 61yr old.. I still fucking love him!!!
Ok.. I still had a date, Babe, not to forget and yes we still dating as normal. He been away for two weeks to Melbourne business trip. He did text me almost everyday, but not the past 2 days cos he sick. Is he really sick or maybe bored of me.. I not sure.Well, I just let it flow, if my Babe really like me, he wont run away or leave me. As what many people say, when love come in, no matter how you block it, it will still break through and come to you.
Life!!! Now I getting bored with my life again.. not sure what am I supposed to do.... Coming to 31yo, still living with parents. Cant afford to bought a house, renting a house outside is crazy as so expensive. My savings not much either only about 20k the most, career wise is just a piece of job that sufficient to earn me living and clear my debts. I short of life achievement content!!!! I missed that in my life I supposed... Feel emptied feel emptied.........
However, SEX SEX SEX LOVE LOVE LOVE FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT still in my mind!!!!
WAITING FOR A PERFECT IDEAL HUSBAND TO FILL THOSE UP FOR ME...
On the other hand, why am get so tense and stress up when dealing with my X sweetie? Yes, I still Love him... this old man 61yr old.. I still fucking love him!!!
Ok.. I still had a date, Babe, not to forget and yes we still dating as normal. He been away for two weeks to Melbourne business trip. He did text me almost everyday, but not the past 2 days cos he sick. Is he really sick or maybe bored of me.. I not sure.Well, I just let it flow, if my Babe really like me, he wont run away or leave me. As what many people say, when love come in, no matter how you block it, it will still break through and come to you.
Life!!! Now I getting bored with my life again.. not sure what am I supposed to do.... Coming to 31yo, still living with parents. Cant afford to bought a house, renting a house outside is crazy as so expensive. My savings not much either only about 20k the most, career wise is just a piece of job that sufficient to earn me living and clear my debts. I short of life achievement content!!!! I missed that in my life I supposed... Feel emptied feel emptied.........
However, SEX SEX SEX LOVE LOVE LOVE FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT still in my mind!!!!
WAITING FOR A PERFECT IDEAL HUSBAND TO FILL THOSE UP FOR ME...
Monday, 9 September 2013
New Red String with normal mood... Have I change? Or I finally meet the right man?
Up to now since end of July 2013, I am fully "Cure" LOL.. or get away from Facebook!! LOL...
Alright, back to life.. nothing much changes in my family and working life.
Love wise, yes... I know is kind of fast... LOL... even I dont believe.
A part of me still think of X sweetie and to this new aussie man, Babe, I not sure about my feeling to him. However, I found him a good respond man to me. He really in love or like me crazy..which I dont know why.. He can keep whatsapp me, sms me, every day every morning , noon and night. Thats also include if he away to Bali, or Melbourne for holiday and work. He also even call me just want to hear my voice. What he had done is totally what I had done before for my X sweetie.
Is abvious and fact that he like me more than I like him. I also had come to a conclusion too for him.
I just go ahead with him, my Babe. Is time for me to try and be with someone who like me more than I like him. See whats the outcome, beside we are not into really a long distance relationship because he live here and had work business here. However, once every three months or any moment he need to fly away few days for his work business. Even if we doesnt work out, I have no hard feelings for it.
As to be honest, I like him but not as strong as my X sweetie. Or maybe I had change in such that I take relationship lightly now and not so dominate? so possesive?
Lastly, my babe looks like Alec Balwin LOL....
Alright, back to life.. nothing much changes in my family and working life.
Love wise, yes... I know is kind of fast... LOL... even I dont believe.
A part of me still think of X sweetie and to this new aussie man, Babe, I not sure about my feeling to him. However, I found him a good respond man to me. He really in love or like me crazy..which I dont know why.. He can keep whatsapp me, sms me, every day every morning , noon and night. Thats also include if he away to Bali, or Melbourne for holiday and work. He also even call me just want to hear my voice. What he had done is totally what I had done before for my X sweetie.
Is abvious and fact that he like me more than I like him. I also had come to a conclusion too for him.
I just go ahead with him, my Babe. Is time for me to try and be with someone who like me more than I like him. See whats the outcome, beside we are not into really a long distance relationship because he live here and had work business here. However, once every three months or any moment he need to fly away few days for his work business. Even if we doesnt work out, I have no hard feelings for it.
As to be honest, I like him but not as strong as my X sweetie. Or maybe I had change in such that I take relationship lightly now and not so dominate? so possesive?
Lastly, my babe looks like Alec Balwin LOL....
Friday, 30 August 2013
Last day of August 2013
Been busy with my work... and finally completed most of my task... Yippie :)
Last week, catch up with my buddy, Kars, he still look the same and not much changes.
We had lunch and chatted about for the past 6mths what happen and hows my Turkey trip.
He also update me about himself and got news that last few weeks, he had sudden pain in his stomach and admitted to hospital. The doctor found stones in his kidney and a total of 3. One was removed on the week he admiited, the other two he be going for small surgery next two weeks. No wonder, he looks bit pale, but he still my buddy and a great buddy :). So hope everything is ok for him and ask him to update me his status.
Yes, lately this new Aussie man been texting me, yes I do like him but dont have to strong feelings yet. This is due to I still holding bit feelings of my X and my Ex and other Ex-es LOL.. or afraid of getting hurts and disappointment. However, yes this man bit different from others is he keep texting me everyday!!! Which I did enjoyed so far, because remember I born in dog year as well so need ATTENTION LOL...
But one thing I dislike him was making silly joke... That play my feelings which I really dislike that I play him back another silly joke that he went cranky with me. So I told him if you want me stop thinking silly, then dont make silly statement or joke to me.
Not sure if we really go deep what will happen? Will it be same as my last X? After 3 months giveup and raise white flag? Not sure I dont have crystal balls to see future.. So let the stream flows and see how.. Remember I dont want to chase pple anymore and this time is that Aussie man chase me. So I been doing slacking and passive instead of active.
Thats all folks!!! Still had no time to prepare for Will Birthday Present!!! SHIT!!!!
Last week, catch up with my buddy, Kars, he still look the same and not much changes.
We had lunch and chatted about for the past 6mths what happen and hows my Turkey trip.
He also update me about himself and got news that last few weeks, he had sudden pain in his stomach and admitted to hospital. The doctor found stones in his kidney and a total of 3. One was removed on the week he admiited, the other two he be going for small surgery next two weeks. No wonder, he looks bit pale, but he still my buddy and a great buddy :). So hope everything is ok for him and ask him to update me his status.
Yes, lately this new Aussie man been texting me, yes I do like him but dont have to strong feelings yet. This is due to I still holding bit feelings of my X and my Ex and other Ex-es LOL.. or afraid of getting hurts and disappointment. However, yes this man bit different from others is he keep texting me everyday!!! Which I did enjoyed so far, because remember I born in dog year as well so need ATTENTION LOL...
But one thing I dislike him was making silly joke... That play my feelings which I really dislike that I play him back another silly joke that he went cranky with me. So I told him if you want me stop thinking silly, then dont make silly statement or joke to me.
Not sure if we really go deep what will happen? Will it be same as my last X? After 3 months giveup and raise white flag? Not sure I dont have crystal balls to see future.. So let the stream flows and see how.. Remember I dont want to chase pple anymore and this time is that Aussie man chase me. So I been doing slacking and passive instead of active.
Thats all folks!!! Still had no time to prepare for Will Birthday Present!!! SHIT!!!!
Tuesday, 27 August 2013
28th August 2013... Funny... Weird... Dark side.... Dream...
Supposed to go gym at 710am but thanks to my Cashcard (Carpark card), I happen to place in my car small compartment and it drop out from the compartment... Making me search for it 20mins....
So decided to go office early and start... BLOGGING.. LOL... not working...(Not that hard working)
Well, last few nights I have encounter many stupid weird dreams LOL...
Like last Saturday night (Sunday Morning), I dream I was in Bali, so thought of dropping by my X sweetie house and say hello to him. His gate was not lock so I able to go upstair and found him sleeping with another boy.
So I decided to knock on the wall and go down wait for him. My X sweetie came down and surprise to see me, we have a chat and later told me his boy or boyfriend dont like to come down and meet me. So I say is ok and I gonna leave. Before I left the place, supposed to be a goodbye kiss to my X Sweetie, we ended having a deep kiss (Wet kiss) for quite long which I was surprise that I woke up from the dreams. I not sure what the dreams mean but I was happy that I strong now that even I seen him with another guy (boy) I am fine and accepted. :)
Then again on Sunday night (Monday Morning)!!! I dream I was in a big Theme Park with lot of people at night. I heard people crying, panic, and heard that they say we need to get out from here because the Evil Samurai demon be coming out at night to this park and killed people. Then the park start screaming like chaos, with police car and ambulance running around the park and I follow the crowd running around to get out. Then I decided to hide and heard many screaming again so I decided to make a call to my X sweetie before I got kill. I start looking for his number on my phonebook but seem like the not in the list then while scrolling and looking I been killed and I also woke up from this dream.
Weird huh!!! Yes, I remember I did mention to my X sweetie, that before I die I will call him.. but surprise that I cant find his number in my phone list.. Whats that mean?
Hope this is the last weird dreams with my X sweetie, the third dreams was happen on Monday night (Tuesday Morning), I dream I was having some problems with some stuff which I cant remember and was frustrated and sitting on my room bed. Then I saw my X sweetie was arranging my clothes in my spare room which I normally hang my clothes there to dry and ready to be wear for work. He came over to me and say I got something to tell you. I say ok what you wanna tell me? He say he had know this new guy(boy) while we decided to start the relationship. I reply him ok and I wake up from the dream.
So isnt it funny!!! Almost 3 consecutive night dream of my X sweetie!!! Did told my best friend, Will and Stephanie. Will say he dont want to speculate and Stephanie say this show that I have move on and live my life without him. Is that truth? LOL... Not sure, and I can say I didnt watch horror or funny movie, animation or read horror, funny story before I sleep. Except watching porn and reading porn stories to jerk off.. which I dont think porn will lead to those dreams...
I think maybe on surface and logic I am cleared, move on and sure whatever my X sweetie is been with I am fine and we just normal friends, even though I still love him. However, my subconsious which is my dark emo side, control my mind during my resting trying to invade my mind and make me go dark..(I hope you know what I mean)... But... think this time my LOGIC won HURRAY!!!!
As I didnt stupidity go confront my X sweetie. I only share with close friends about this dreams and only tell my X sweetie I had a weird dreams but he dont bother to hear it!! So i dont care either.
Now.. what interesting is usually I single and go overseas I switch on back all my gay social apps, include website and mobile. So after I came back from Turkey, I log in to gaydar.co.uk to check messages before I call it a day. The message I send had some reply and thats how I got to know this Melbourne man... (Hahaha... another Aussie man). As far as my concern, I not going to jump into another love well again.. Please..... for god sake.. Yann.. behave!!!! We been texting lately so as and when he will msg me and is everyday and night. Even now he is in BALI having holiday!!! But then...my X sweetie also did text me before we started a relationship when he was in Thailand. So who knows this Melbourne man, still havent see my true colors like my X sweetie hahahhaa... after know me he may stopped and run away!!!! Hahahaha......
Oh yes... I got addressing name now.. last time is Gorgeous boyo.. now I have someone address me Cutie!!! LOL... thats someone is my Babe...
Anyway... my door is shut but my garden gate is open for many seeds to be throw in my garden and see which one can grow beautiful flower but then beautiful flower (Outlook) is not important because they must bear the fruits as well which give a happy ending story!!!
So decided to go office early and start... BLOGGING.. LOL... not working...(Not that hard working)
Well, last few nights I have encounter many stupid weird dreams LOL...
Like last Saturday night (Sunday Morning), I dream I was in Bali, so thought of dropping by my X sweetie house and say hello to him. His gate was not lock so I able to go upstair and found him sleeping with another boy.
So I decided to knock on the wall and go down wait for him. My X sweetie came down and surprise to see me, we have a chat and later told me his boy or boyfriend dont like to come down and meet me. So I say is ok and I gonna leave. Before I left the place, supposed to be a goodbye kiss to my X Sweetie, we ended having a deep kiss (Wet kiss) for quite long which I was surprise that I woke up from the dreams. I not sure what the dreams mean but I was happy that I strong now that even I seen him with another guy (boy) I am fine and accepted. :)
Then again on Sunday night (Monday Morning)!!! I dream I was in a big Theme Park with lot of people at night. I heard people crying, panic, and heard that they say we need to get out from here because the Evil Samurai demon be coming out at night to this park and killed people. Then the park start screaming like chaos, with police car and ambulance running around the park and I follow the crowd running around to get out. Then I decided to hide and heard many screaming again so I decided to make a call to my X sweetie before I got kill. I start looking for his number on my phonebook but seem like the not in the list then while scrolling and looking I been killed and I also woke up from this dream.
Weird huh!!! Yes, I remember I did mention to my X sweetie, that before I die I will call him.. but surprise that I cant find his number in my phone list.. Whats that mean?
Hope this is the last weird dreams with my X sweetie, the third dreams was happen on Monday night (Tuesday Morning), I dream I was having some problems with some stuff which I cant remember and was frustrated and sitting on my room bed. Then I saw my X sweetie was arranging my clothes in my spare room which I normally hang my clothes there to dry and ready to be wear for work. He came over to me and say I got something to tell you. I say ok what you wanna tell me? He say he had know this new guy(boy) while we decided to start the relationship. I reply him ok and I wake up from the dream.
So isnt it funny!!! Almost 3 consecutive night dream of my X sweetie!!! Did told my best friend, Will and Stephanie. Will say he dont want to speculate and Stephanie say this show that I have move on and live my life without him. Is that truth? LOL... Not sure, and I can say I didnt watch horror or funny movie, animation or read horror, funny story before I sleep. Except watching porn and reading porn stories to jerk off.. which I dont think porn will lead to those dreams...
I think maybe on surface and logic I am cleared, move on and sure whatever my X sweetie is been with I am fine and we just normal friends, even though I still love him. However, my subconsious which is my dark emo side, control my mind during my resting trying to invade my mind and make me go dark..(I hope you know what I mean)... But... think this time my LOGIC won HURRAY!!!!
As I didnt stupidity go confront my X sweetie. I only share with close friends about this dreams and only tell my X sweetie I had a weird dreams but he dont bother to hear it!! So i dont care either.
Now.. what interesting is usually I single and go overseas I switch on back all my gay social apps, include website and mobile. So after I came back from Turkey, I log in to gaydar.co.uk to check messages before I call it a day. The message I send had some reply and thats how I got to know this Melbourne man... (Hahaha... another Aussie man). As far as my concern, I not going to jump into another love well again.. Please..... for god sake.. Yann.. behave!!!! We been texting lately so as and when he will msg me and is everyday and night. Even now he is in BALI having holiday!!! But then...my X sweetie also did text me before we started a relationship when he was in Thailand. So who knows this Melbourne man, still havent see my true colors like my X sweetie hahahhaa... after know me he may stopped and run away!!!! Hahahaha......
Oh yes... I got addressing name now.. last time is Gorgeous boyo.. now I have someone address me Cutie!!! LOL... thats someone is my Babe...
Anyway... my door is shut but my garden gate is open for many seeds to be throw in my garden and see which one can grow beautiful flower but then beautiful flower (Outlook) is not important because they must bear the fruits as well which give a happy ending story!!!
Thursday, 22 August 2013
Something Amaze that I read from entertainment news
Why can the celebraties male and female can date or married even their age gap different is big?
Just read news about Alec Baldwin, age 55, (My favourite Silver daddy LOL) and his new wife (Forget her name) age 29. Of course there are others the same, you just need to google and read out.
So why does that seem to always not working for me!!! I dont mind my man is older or same age as my dad. Importantly is the love and happiness rather than the age gap or who left the world early!
And most importanly is he dont mind too...
Always say is not about just him is about me too... But come to think of it... Every love relationship one have to give and the other have to take. I chose to be the give (Sacrifice) cos I have many to give... LOL.. Of course there are time I wont give but take and I will sound out.. yet usually when I sound out the other party doesnt give! Ironic LOL...So slowly turn sour and worst!!! If look back all the XXXXXX more or less is I give the most set the $$$ aside.
Anyway, lets see my next Relationship gonna be like... if you dont see me update means I enjoyed my happy life. If you see me back here means.. ok I back to my lonely life so come here to tell you story and my thought.
Gym now!!!!
Just read news about Alec Baldwin, age 55, (My favourite Silver daddy LOL) and his new wife (Forget her name) age 29. Of course there are others the same, you just need to google and read out.
So why does that seem to always not working for me!!! I dont mind my man is older or same age as my dad. Importantly is the love and happiness rather than the age gap or who left the world early!
And most importanly is he dont mind too...
Always say is not about just him is about me too... But come to think of it... Every love relationship one have to give and the other have to take. I chose to be the give (Sacrifice) cos I have many to give... LOL.. Of course there are time I wont give but take and I will sound out.. yet usually when I sound out the other party doesnt give! Ironic LOL...So slowly turn sour and worst!!! If look back all the XXXXXX more or less is I give the most set the $$$ aside.
Anyway, lets see my next Relationship gonna be like... if you dont see me update means I enjoyed my happy life. If you see me back here means.. ok I back to my lonely life so come here to tell you story and my thought.
Gym now!!!!
Wednesday, 21 August 2013
Back from Turkey
August... Back to Single and Lonely and bored life....
Feeling better after back from my holiday trip in Turkey. I met different people and learn more about myself. Yes, had fun, sex, sight seeing, eat, drink, club and cruise, however that suddenly lost of lover in my heart still there... Not sure how long it be vacant again.
The last time was vacant for 2 years so this time?
Should focus on my work and career but again... feel bored in my daily life. Morning swimming, breakfast, work, lunch, gym, home, dinner, sleep and repeat for the whole weekdays. Still looking forward to have something different like havent a love one ask you to wake up, kiss you before you go to work, text you remember to had breakfast or what you having for breakfast, hows your morning work and etc... Love Communication... hahaha....I know.. Attention Seeker... well, thats me. CHANGE? Nah... is something hard to change and this is my flaw, will have to wait for someone can afford to give me that.
Had deleted my Facebook account for a month!!! Yeehaa... I survive without social network LOL...
Most my friends cant do it but I make it LOL... Will I be back? I not sure but why I deleted? Maybe or likely is protect myself from disappointment and envy (Jealous). People may think why am I keep putting so many banned or locked for myself and making myself miserable...
I understand that nobody will pity me for that LOL... thats me, just been me, believe by doing that I can protect and avoid unneccesary emotion or thought. No see no heard no feel..
Next, how can you found a love one in your life if you keep youself away... FATE.. I leave it to that, no point chasing after someone... tired and really tired... as I say and look back.. kill people and myself in the end so not going to do that. Is time for waiting someone you like to chase after you.
Thought of able to finished my ArtWork Album for Will coming birthday but guess not able to.
Dont have that special moment and time to create it. So delayed!!! LOL... Sorry...
People also ask me about my Turkey trip balloon flight, as recently had accident and tourist die. Arent I afriad of that happen to me while I taking the flight? I dont thought of that at all, if I gonna die I die, I have no more reason to be alife since my life is bored. Remember I live my life for people I love. My action always carried out because of someone I love, such as my last X, I done when I want to see him I book the flight tickets right away, I want to quickly move to him, I took the english lesson right away and after split I didnt continue the English exam as lost of purpose. I not able to live my life for myself yet.. still learning..when I able to complete this learning .. Not sure.. LOL...
Thats all.... as time goes by.. people change but funny things is they change easily and faster than me... I need more time and be change... good or bad.. not sure till end of the day God knows...
Feeling better after back from my holiday trip in Turkey. I met different people and learn more about myself. Yes, had fun, sex, sight seeing, eat, drink, club and cruise, however that suddenly lost of lover in my heart still there... Not sure how long it be vacant again.
The last time was vacant for 2 years so this time?
Should focus on my work and career but again... feel bored in my daily life. Morning swimming, breakfast, work, lunch, gym, home, dinner, sleep and repeat for the whole weekdays. Still looking forward to have something different like havent a love one ask you to wake up, kiss you before you go to work, text you remember to had breakfast or what you having for breakfast, hows your morning work and etc... Love Communication... hahaha....I know.. Attention Seeker... well, thats me. CHANGE? Nah... is something hard to change and this is my flaw, will have to wait for someone can afford to give me that.
Had deleted my Facebook account for a month!!! Yeehaa... I survive without social network LOL...
Most my friends cant do it but I make it LOL... Will I be back? I not sure but why I deleted? Maybe or likely is protect myself from disappointment and envy (Jealous). People may think why am I keep putting so many banned or locked for myself and making myself miserable...
I understand that nobody will pity me for that LOL... thats me, just been me, believe by doing that I can protect and avoid unneccesary emotion or thought. No see no heard no feel..
Next, how can you found a love one in your life if you keep youself away... FATE.. I leave it to that, no point chasing after someone... tired and really tired... as I say and look back.. kill people and myself in the end so not going to do that. Is time for waiting someone you like to chase after you.
Thought of able to finished my ArtWork Album for Will coming birthday but guess not able to.
Dont have that special moment and time to create it. So delayed!!! LOL... Sorry...
People also ask me about my Turkey trip balloon flight, as recently had accident and tourist die. Arent I afriad of that happen to me while I taking the flight? I dont thought of that at all, if I gonna die I die, I have no more reason to be alife since my life is bored. Remember I live my life for people I love. My action always carried out because of someone I love, such as my last X, I done when I want to see him I book the flight tickets right away, I want to quickly move to him, I took the english lesson right away and after split I didnt continue the English exam as lost of purpose. I not able to live my life for myself yet.. still learning..when I able to complete this learning .. Not sure.. LOL...
Thats all.... as time goes by.. people change but funny things is they change easily and faster than me... I need more time and be change... good or bad.. not sure till end of the day God knows...
Friday, 9 August 2013
"Not Alone"
"Not Alone"
Composed and Written: Yann Cheong
I wasn’t alone and not living alone.
There are many people surrounding me.
Chorus
Repeat Chorus
Composed and Written: Yann Cheong
I wasn’t alone and not living alone.
There are many people surrounding me.
I wasn’t in love and this is alright.
I have many friends around me.
Yes, I may be one man.
Living in one room.
I will still live my life happy.
Chorus
Because life is too short.
Cant be sad all your life.
Say goodbye to your old one
And welcome to your new one
And Love comes and goes.
It doesn’t wait for us.
When your love bridge broken down
We just keep on build new one.
You wasn’t alone and not living alone.
Please look at the people surrounding you.
You may be in love or may be not.
Your friends and family still care for you.
Yes, life can be lonely.
And can be lovely
Just put a smile and live with it.Repeat Chorus
Tuesday, 30 July 2013
My Love can kill people and lastly myself.
I remember my counsellor I visit on April to May 2013, said I am normal and nothing wrong with me, is just a very emotional person and beside I dont cause myself to do criminal or illegal act. However, after I end my relationship, I found my love can kill people and also slowly kill me.
I am been over sweet, over nice, over optimistic and over idealistic/perfectionist. That when I found a flaw I will start to over react, over paranoid, over rage and throw things out as like throwing all the boulders out of my head. Friends and people I met first time, when intro and talk about my love relationship, they seem to know there's no happy ending in this relationship. They ask me stopped been so nice and sweet, they explain to me this and that and I told them I dont care this is me, when I love someone, I give all my love and show him all out how much important he is and willing to make some sacrifice. I cant just love myself and be selfish anymore, because is not about him not about me but about us.
Now I understood why my friends and those people told me so, they forseen when this relationship broke off, I go berserk!! As this is not the first time, my friends saw and understand how I done and behave myself. Anyway, I dont blame all my Xs, because they had nothing much to blame for my hurts because I been pressuring them that they fear and exhausted by my love energy, so impulsive and possesive. This had been proved and I cant denied. I kill them with my love slowly when they realised how much crazy I love them. I cant learnt and stopped this kind of love behaviour, this is me.
Is just that they dont know this flaw of mine, as I often been so sweet and nice that they cant see that.
Ironic things was, I know that myself as well. My Logic told me so but my Emotion had went dominate me. My logic also foresee and tell me that but I really cant control my emotion because it is too strong and I been trying to weaken it however I failed. Therefore, I increase more locks and ban to myself. ISOLATION and keeping away myself from socialising. By doing that I wont fall into another relationship and hurt myself and been an evil and nasty me that bragging at people. This is my Logic told me to do so and best for me. On the other hand, my Emotion is asking me then how you find your happiness? dont you want to live with someone you love and happily together?
Yes, I still struggle with my Emotion, but thanks to my Logic not very helpful but at time it can give me some time to busy such as work, career, and hobbies. Keep telling me you need to to this work first else dont talk about others and is my Logic that I still survive and act like normal people
without letting others see I got emotion problems. My Logic had also set for me "DONT EVER FALL IN LOVE JUST BECAUSE MY EMOTION SAY SO THATS THE MAN"
If I ever into a relationship, he must be the one after me and love me more than I did. Sacrifice first before I did, plan for our life together, need my attention, need to have many big empty glass to fill all my love, need to accept my flaw and love my flaw. Will there be such a bear? Again maybe my Emotion came, this kind of bear can be exist, DREAMT ON!!!
I am been over sweet, over nice, over optimistic and over idealistic/perfectionist. That when I found a flaw I will start to over react, over paranoid, over rage and throw things out as like throwing all the boulders out of my head. Friends and people I met first time, when intro and talk about my love relationship, they seem to know there's no happy ending in this relationship. They ask me stopped been so nice and sweet, they explain to me this and that and I told them I dont care this is me, when I love someone, I give all my love and show him all out how much important he is and willing to make some sacrifice. I cant just love myself and be selfish anymore, because is not about him not about me but about us.
Now I understood why my friends and those people told me so, they forseen when this relationship broke off, I go berserk!! As this is not the first time, my friends saw and understand how I done and behave myself. Anyway, I dont blame all my Xs, because they had nothing much to blame for my hurts because I been pressuring them that they fear and exhausted by my love energy, so impulsive and possesive. This had been proved and I cant denied. I kill them with my love slowly when they realised how much crazy I love them. I cant learnt and stopped this kind of love behaviour, this is me.
Is just that they dont know this flaw of mine, as I often been so sweet and nice that they cant see that.
Ironic things was, I know that myself as well. My Logic told me so but my Emotion had went dominate me. My logic also foresee and tell me that but I really cant control my emotion because it is too strong and I been trying to weaken it however I failed. Therefore, I increase more locks and ban to myself. ISOLATION and keeping away myself from socialising. By doing that I wont fall into another relationship and hurt myself and been an evil and nasty me that bragging at people. This is my Logic told me to do so and best for me. On the other hand, my Emotion is asking me then how you find your happiness? dont you want to live with someone you love and happily together?
Yes, I still struggle with my Emotion, but thanks to my Logic not very helpful but at time it can give me some time to busy such as work, career, and hobbies. Keep telling me you need to to this work first else dont talk about others and is my Logic that I still survive and act like normal people
without letting others see I got emotion problems. My Logic had also set for me "DONT EVER FALL IN LOVE JUST BECAUSE MY EMOTION SAY SO THATS THE MAN"
If I ever into a relationship, he must be the one after me and love me more than I did. Sacrifice first before I did, plan for our life together, need my attention, need to have many big empty glass to fill all my love, need to accept my flaw and love my flaw. Will there be such a bear? Again maybe my Emotion came, this kind of bear can be exist, DREAMT ON!!!
Wednesday, 24 July 2013
Is true and thats me... This person had done PHD on me :)
November 8 Birthday Astrology
November 8 Scorpios walk their own path in life, and, even if it is difficult, they usually resist help. They give advice rather than take it. They see life on a broad, episodic scale. They have a quirky vision that may not accord strictly with reality. If they are bold enough to divulge that vision, they can be handsomely rewarded.
Friends and Lovers
These individuals are secretive and have a hard time allowing other people to be intimate in their lives. They combine sultry sexuality with romantic spirit. They fall in love deeply, and, if something goes wrong, they are likely to suffer great emotional pain.Children and Family
The standoffish attitude of November 8 people usually has its roots in their upbringing. They do not take parental duties lightly. They teach their children about the good things of life and its hardships as well. This may seem harsh, but they believe they owe it to their youngsters to send them into the world prepared.Health
November 8 men and women generally take a common-sense approach to fitness and health. They eat a moderate diet, and they rarely overindulge. November 8 individuals understand the need to take special precautions concerning their sexual activities.Career and Finances
November 8 individuals treat their profession with great seriousness. Whatever they do for a living, they put all their efforts toward success. They prefer to work behind the scenes. They constantly search for bargains, unwilling to part with money unless it is for necessities or infrequent frivolous pleasures.Dreams and Goals
November 8 men and women are determined to achieve success on their own, or not at all. They refuse to take any shortcuts toward their goals, feeling they should succeed by hard work and talent and no other way. They have amazing patience and can withstand delays and disappointments like few other people.Tuesday, 9 April 2013
After all my country are not good for my life.
Recently, not sure why the media and news been bringing up the topic of gays law, gay couple, gay criminals, in my country and some other neighbour countries. All the post comments for the news are negative and anti-gays.
Comments make such as;
Been gay is natural, born, or we chose to be? It doesnt matter, whats matter is are we happy?
Like normal man, you chose this girl to be your wife, is it natural, born or you chose?
I think gay's parent are not sad if their children are gay/lesbian, as long as they are good children and respect to them. Because I can say some of us are more fillial than normal man/woman.
Everybody deserved to love and be love, there's no such thing call man cant love man!
If love are so strong with each other and decided to share and walk the life together why not married?
Isnt that what married is about? Or are we still been brainwash by the olden people who created this speech or definition that marriage is only for a man and a woman?
How much can you get hurt or damage if the soceity allow gay man to be married? or to be openly socialised around the world? Tell me? I think these people their genorousity is very small and very small minded. It is unlike the political topic we having in Singapore, reduced the normal of incoming foreigner. Because it will affect on our Singapore culture which took quite long to build up and if more to be bring in, we back to square one re-cultivate again, not just that more job competition and living cost in Singapore is so high, we Singaporean cant afford to fail in our study or career then.
So does gays, affect our world culture? where gay is already there just that gay dont open on surface and people dont or try to avoid talking about it. Doe gay cause job competition ? Is funny? I really dont understand what my people here is thinking!
It make me stronger and stronger that I want to leave this country!
Recently, not sure why the media and news been bringing up the topic of gays law, gay couple, gay criminals, in my country and some other neighbour countries. All the post comments for the news are negative and anti-gays.
Comments make such as;
- The gays are to be punished because is a sin.
- Is a disgrace to the family
- The gay's parents must be very sad to have their son as gay.
- Gays bringing the HIV virus.
- If we allow gay couple to get married, it is a doom day for Singapore.
- If allow gay to be around thats mean rapist can go around raping people too.
Been gay is natural, born, or we chose to be? It doesnt matter, whats matter is are we happy?
Like normal man, you chose this girl to be your wife, is it natural, born or you chose?
I think gay's parent are not sad if their children are gay/lesbian, as long as they are good children and respect to them. Because I can say some of us are more fillial than normal man/woman.
Everybody deserved to love and be love, there's no such thing call man cant love man!
If love are so strong with each other and decided to share and walk the life together why not married?
Isnt that what married is about? Or are we still been brainwash by the olden people who created this speech or definition that marriage is only for a man and a woman?
How much can you get hurt or damage if the soceity allow gay man to be married? or to be openly socialised around the world? Tell me? I think these people their genorousity is very small and very small minded. It is unlike the political topic we having in Singapore, reduced the normal of incoming foreigner. Because it will affect on our Singapore culture which took quite long to build up and if more to be bring in, we back to square one re-cultivate again, not just that more job competition and living cost in Singapore is so high, we Singaporean cant afford to fail in our study or career then.
So does gays, affect our world culture? where gay is already there just that gay dont open on surface and people dont or try to avoid talking about it. Doe gay cause job competition ? Is funny? I really dont understand what my people here is thinking!
It make me stronger and stronger that I want to leave this country!
Monday, 18 March 2013
Dream a dream, lost, hurt, tired and lonely.....
Yes, I had been going there lately. Though is like a dream
but I don’t mind.
At least, I taste of the happiness and got to live the kind
of life I wanted it to be.
Living with a partner, doing things together, sleep
together, we kiss before we step out of the house and kiss before we fall
asleep.
This was a life I never experience before in Singapore.
I’m now sort of getting myself away from my country gay
surrounding and now also social network.
I private all my photos on Facebook and no more uploading of
self-picture this year. I don’t want to
let people seen me.
I actually started to hide, but what am I hiding? I not sure
or am I hiding? Maybe I just want to feel more miserable for myself. Or maybe
just want to protect my heart not to dream.
Ever since I been there frequently, once I back in
Singapore, I feel lonely.
I did meet up with my hang out friends and share my thought
with them.
But they never understand me as they are living with a
normal straight life. I am living my gay life.
Yes, shouldn’t be any different but different is in finding
love.
They told me I happy over there because I was on holiday and
not working. Once you live and work there, you feel the same as like Singapore.
I listen to their comments and give a thought of it, the
answer is no. There’s difference and over there is much better. They never
realise because they had wife and girlfriend now.
After they knock off from work, they got home seeing their
wife or meet up with their girlfriend.
What do I have to meet after work? Friends?
On weekend, we can meet up as group for lunch, dinner and
movie, but back home who can I spend a nice lovely weekend night with alone?
Friends?
Friends can accompany a short while and can’t fill up that
emptied love in my heart.
One or two did even encourage me to find a partner in
Singapore. While I did thought, but I lost touch of doing it and tired of going
through the process again.
Further to that, I had set my mind that most Caucasian men in Singapore I
hook up at the bar are player or work in Singapore for temporary time.
Beside, I not a damn hot sexy man or good heart and personality so I wont able to meet the man I like to fond me in Singapore. (No self Confiendence in other words)
I don’t want player and a temporary partner; I want a
possible life-long partner.
I admit, I sometime a player too but I was never a player to
people I met from overseas.
Not sure why? I always give my full heart to the overseas
date, which somehow both of us knows that it won’t work out for long distance
relationship as we both prefer each other to be in same zone.
I look around my surrounding and start talking to myself and
also to her, my granny.
I got a decent and well pay job, got understanding parents
and siblings, dress well and eat well.
Why am I still not content and happy with it?
There are others who are not happy and problems with their
job, family and etc.
Just because not able to find someone to be with, turn
myself to be so remorse?
I not sure why? But I just know I not happy now and I want
to be happy.
Presently, I am into this man. Yes he is old and we both
know the age gap and the distance gap, thus, we thought remain as friends
better.
However, I can’t control my heart; I release it out to him.
I don’t care much of the age or distance.
I love him that’s what I need him to know, I don’t expect
any return. He ask me go build my own life.
I will listen to him and build my life. However, I will still
come visit him and spent time with him, whenever I can as long as I still love
him.
Sometime, I feel worried and jealous of him meeting someone
and I keep talking to myself, there’s nothing official between both of you.
So we both had right to see someone else.
As time goes by, I will feel and get better and maybe
another better man come into my life and I may stop loving him and go to this
new man.
I not sure but just do what I think is good for me.
Life is short, treasure all happy moments you can.
Sunday, 24 February 2013
Who am I?
These days I getting weirdo and weirdo, I think!.
Looking back again my record,
Not been to local gay disco clubs, pubs and shops for 18months
Not been to local gay suana for coming to 4 years.
Not logging to gay apps in local area for a year.
Not been meeting new local gays for hot fun or ons.
In fact I started to,
Making new overseas gay friends on facebook.
Keep flying out of the country and meeting overseas gay for hot fun or ons.
Heart got trapped by this old man, who I cant take my eyes off him since my good friend, Will, send me the picture.
What I thought I shouldnt hope but still hope for,
Still hope somewhere and sometime a local caucasian man, who is my taste, bump into me, date and living together happily.
Or on the other hand I making plan to,
Moving my life to a new land call OZ.
My present life rountine,
Work 9am to 520pm or sometime 9pm on weekdays.
Occasionaly, call from friends to meet for dinner on weekdays.
Saturday either out for movie or just small gathering with poly friends or ex colleague.
Sunday rest at home and evening meet up with secondary school mates for coffee chat.
My free time, facebook, porn movies, animation, play with my ipad ktv or games.
Bored? Not sure... but definitely not many people think is good and excited life! LOL.
Looking back again my record,
Not been to local gay disco clubs, pubs and shops for 18months
Not been to local gay suana for coming to 4 years.
Not logging to gay apps in local area for a year.
Not been meeting new local gays for hot fun or ons.
In fact I started to,
Making new overseas gay friends on facebook.
Keep flying out of the country and meeting overseas gay for hot fun or ons.
Heart got trapped by this old man, who I cant take my eyes off him since my good friend, Will, send me the picture.
What I thought I shouldnt hope but still hope for,
Still hope somewhere and sometime a local caucasian man, who is my taste, bump into me, date and living together happily.
Or on the other hand I making plan to,
Moving my life to a new land call OZ.
My present life rountine,
Work 9am to 520pm or sometime 9pm on weekdays.
Occasionaly, call from friends to meet for dinner on weekdays.
Saturday either out for movie or just small gathering with poly friends or ex colleague.
Sunday rest at home and evening meet up with secondary school mates for coffee chat.
My free time, facebook, porn movies, animation, play with my ipad ktv or games.
Bored? Not sure... but definitely not many people think is good and excited life! LOL.
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
Different!
Somehow or somewhere I totally cast myself away from the local gay scene......................
I totally cut myself out from going and making new local gay friends for dating and even sex.
What happen exactly I not sure, but just dont feel like anymore.
I did found my dream life when I was in Sydney, having a lovely man to live with was fantastic and beautiful. However, it does not last long, as I dont live and work there. Anyway, I enjoyed those time, and will come once a while just to dive myself in the dream for awhile. Do I like or love this man, well I do, but I never going to go into along distance relationship again as it never work!!! Lesson learnt LOL....
I thought this New Year 2013, I can make a come back to to my last potential hope but I was wrong.
When you had miss him and miss that opportunity, you out. Even if both of you still keep in touch, but he totally just treat you as friends and nothing more. I dont blame him and others whom I didnt treasure because is all my fault for immaturity.
These days, also notice myself, I getting lesser and lesser of eagerly meeting someone for comfort.
Is it a time for low sex drive? But I still do my milkshake everyday with my right hand man. LOL...
Seriously, I not sure what problem did I had in my brain. I only know once a while, I got pain on my forehead. Maybe I do have some problem in my brain from my last medical blood test result show but the second time I took the blood test is normal. Funny, isnt it. However, I didnt go further for the MRI brain scan, if I gonna die I gonna die.
I also proud of myself for been brave enough to directly hurt my mum feeling. I told her straight that I have no intention of taking care of her when future time come. I planning to leave that house when I 35yo. Either migrate out of SG or move out and live alone, which more suitable for me. However, I promised her that I will give a call once a week like what I had done, when i work in Qatar. She know what happen, I know she in pain but thats the truth and we know that have to be.
Now been trying to plan and thought, how to migrate out and what if I migrate what am I going to do over there? Can I start from zero and build a new career path? Can I found my Mr. Right? Lot of unknown and worried. Perhaps, because I not young anymore and fear of failure. Yet, if I continue living here in SG at this state, with my strong fire wall, not to meet any new man and going out to local scene. I never found that Mr. Right and live the dream I been looking forward. Unless, they come and found me... but how? LOL.. is impossible..as I not active in the gay social network as well except facebook which, I added quite alot of bear but all from other countries.
Lately, I also do some other funny stuff like on facebook, I will not uploaded any picture of me in 2013. Of course, I cant totally stopped if friends took a pic of me and uploaded but I try.
Thats all....
I totally cut myself out from going and making new local gay friends for dating and even sex.
What happen exactly I not sure, but just dont feel like anymore.
I did found my dream life when I was in Sydney, having a lovely man to live with was fantastic and beautiful. However, it does not last long, as I dont live and work there. Anyway, I enjoyed those time, and will come once a while just to dive myself in the dream for awhile. Do I like or love this man, well I do, but I never going to go into along distance relationship again as it never work!!! Lesson learnt LOL....
I thought this New Year 2013, I can make a come back to to my last potential hope but I was wrong.
When you had miss him and miss that opportunity, you out. Even if both of you still keep in touch, but he totally just treat you as friends and nothing more. I dont blame him and others whom I didnt treasure because is all my fault for immaturity.
These days, also notice myself, I getting lesser and lesser of eagerly meeting someone for comfort.
Is it a time for low sex drive? But I still do my milkshake everyday with my right hand man. LOL...
Seriously, I not sure what problem did I had in my brain. I only know once a while, I got pain on my forehead. Maybe I do have some problem in my brain from my last medical blood test result show but the second time I took the blood test is normal. Funny, isnt it. However, I didnt go further for the MRI brain scan, if I gonna die I gonna die.
I also proud of myself for been brave enough to directly hurt my mum feeling. I told her straight that I have no intention of taking care of her when future time come. I planning to leave that house when I 35yo. Either migrate out of SG or move out and live alone, which more suitable for me. However, I promised her that I will give a call once a week like what I had done, when i work in Qatar. She know what happen, I know she in pain but thats the truth and we know that have to be.
Now been trying to plan and thought, how to migrate out and what if I migrate what am I going to do over there? Can I start from zero and build a new career path? Can I found my Mr. Right? Lot of unknown and worried. Perhaps, because I not young anymore and fear of failure. Yet, if I continue living here in SG at this state, with my strong fire wall, not to meet any new man and going out to local scene. I never found that Mr. Right and live the dream I been looking forward. Unless, they come and found me... but how? LOL.. is impossible..as I not active in the gay social network as well except facebook which, I added quite alot of bear but all from other countries.
Lately, I also do some other funny stuff like on facebook, I will not uploaded any picture of me in 2013. Of course, I cant totally stopped if friends took a pic of me and uploaded but I try.
Thats all....
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