My Love can kill people and lastly myself.

I remember my counsellor I visit on April to May 2013, said I am normal and nothing wrong with me, is just a very emotional person and beside I dont cause myself to do criminal or illegal act. However, after I end my relationship, I found my love can kill people and also slowly kill me.

I am been over sweet, over nice, over optimistic and over idealistic/perfectionist. That when I found a flaw I will start to over react, over paranoid, over rage and throw things out as like throwing all the boulders out of my head. Friends and people I met first time, when intro and talk about my love relationship, they seem to know there's no happy ending in this relationship. They ask me stopped been so nice and sweet, they explain to me this and that and I told them I dont care this is me, when I love someone, I give all my love and show him all out how much important he is and willing to make some sacrifice. I cant just love myself and be selfish anymore, because is not about him not about me but about us.

Now I understood why my friends and those people told me so, they forseen when this relationship broke off, I go berserk!! As this is not the first time, my friends saw and understand how I done and behave myself. Anyway, I dont blame all my Xs, because they had nothing much to blame for my hurts because I been pressuring them that they fear and exhausted by my love energy, so impulsive and possesive. This had been proved and I cant denied. I kill them with my love slowly when they realised how much crazy I love them. I cant learnt and stopped this kind of love behaviour, this is me.
Is just that they dont know this flaw of mine, as I often been so sweet and nice that they cant see that.

Ironic things was, I know that myself as well. My Logic told me so but my Emotion had went dominate me. My logic also foresee and tell me that but I really cant control my emotion because it is too strong and I been trying to weaken it however I failed. Therefore, I increase more locks and ban to myself. ISOLATION and keeping away myself from socialising. By doing that I wont fall into another relationship and hurt myself and been an evil and nasty me that bragging at people. This is my Logic told me to do so and best for me. On the other hand, my Emotion is asking me then how you find your happiness? dont you want to live with someone you love and happily together?

Yes, I still struggle with my Emotion, but thanks to my Logic not very helpful but at time it can give me some time to busy such as work, career, and hobbies. Keep telling me you need to to this work first else dont talk about others and is my Logic that I still survive and act like normal people
without letting others see I got emotion problems. My Logic had also set for me "DONT EVER FALL IN LOVE JUST BECAUSE MY EMOTION SAY SO THATS THE MAN"

If I ever into a relationship, he must be the one after me and love me more than I did. Sacrifice first before I did, plan for our life together, need my attention, need to have many big empty glass to fill all my love, need to accept my flaw and love my flaw. Will there be such a bear? Again maybe my Emotion came, this kind of bear can be exist, DREAMT ON!!!