Shock..another got trouble... What am I doing?

Never thought that my friend older Sean, got CANCER!!!
What a surprise news just after my good friend, Will greeting my belated birthday.
Old Sean, is Max's boyfriend. Max is asian Singaporean man in mid 40s and acted like rich man (in my point of view) never like him at all as a person. However, Sean is friend of mine whom I knew 2009, whereby I took up a part time massage business on my own (Need money while study University). From thereon, we become friends rather than clients. We out couple of time, notti couple of times till I cant stand the nonsense that Max had put up (not against me but to others, I got many funny story I heard from friends regards to Max) that cause me better stay away from Max.
I sad that I didnt keep good contact with Sean much due to Max behavior. Feel bit sorry for that and knowing Sean having throat cancer and now undergoing chemotherapy.
The most memorable event Sean and I had was, we were out to Orchard and I make him walk from Orchard to Chinatown and ended in Backstage for drinks. He cursed and swear at me for making him walk that far LOL... I still remember hehehe Yes....Now, I not sure I able to catch up with him, I flying off this saturday to Tokyo due to work. Heard he is in serious condition, I hope I can see him after I come back.

Now I dont know what am I doing? Like the movie "EAT, PRAY, LOVE", I lost myself...
I cant be like Julian Robert character, to be such rich that can go tour by her own.
I not that rich, but I have tendacy to go jumping off from a building like my favourite Hong Kong's actor, Leslie Cheung, who did it. He did it because he lost and I lost as well. Whats my purpose of living in this world? Cant met and be with someone I love, Cant find anyone or things to do to satisfy my empty needs.. so what on earth am I suppose to do?

What am I doing?