22th April 2012

Today just went out and order custom make handkerchief with initial for my friends. Friends who I put them in my heart and remember in my life. And I'm still sad when I start thinking of her, my tears flow out easily.. guess like the Westlife song "Too hard to say goodbye".

Yesterday and today, a death thought also coming to my mind, which I not sure why. I find my life is getting mono... I being keeping my body healthy by changing my diet, go swiming and practicing yoga. All these should keep me busy and also work as well. However, they doesnt able to filled my lonely heart and heart of having children and the life I persuit... I guess I afriad I cant achieve either one of them.. no able to found him, not able to have him/her and not even able to live alone... therefore, decided to end my life be better than feeling miserable... Is a way and a coward way of escaping facing of failure.

Not sure why... well.. days just move on till there's no tomorrow or I cant open my eyes to see tomorrow. Bye blogger...

18 April 2012 and the song for my daughter

As promised had completed the song for my daughter :). Though the second part of the song doesnt rhyme well, well I still management to make it hehehe.. Not the best song I compose and wrote but I enjoyed the process and make proud of myself.

Lately, been feeling empty again... yes.. lion heart is roaring for a love.. a partner.. a soulmate...
I know is not easy and make some mistake of contacted some ex to ask them how are they doing... Wrong move... should move on.. I know it.. but hey.. I still love them. Somehow you just follow your heart and I sms them.. they are having good life, the conversation was a friendly chat and not hidden love meaning behind it.

So when is the man I love is coming after me? hahaha... Didnt go any gay scene area and log in gay social network.. so what the chances are?

Anyway, enjoyed the song I wrote to my daughter... I hope I can have a daughter and will sing this song to her.

Little Girl Song

Little girl my little girl
You are the prettiest girl in my life
Little girl my little girl
You are the only girl I ever love

I saw how you come to the world with your beautiful smile
I saw how you crawling to me and call me "Daddy" with that smile

There won't be no love for you, girl
As I always love you
There wont be loneliness for you, girl
As I always there for you

My little girl oh little girl
Daddy's love you the most

Little girl my little girl
There will be a time I got to leave
Little girl my little girl
There will be a man to replace me

He will take care of you, girl
Like I always do
He will always love you like I always do, till the end of your life

I may not live till the end of your life but he do
I may not able to give you life happiness but I'm sure he do

Because there will be a time he have to vow and say "I do"
Before he can took my little girl away from her daddy

Little girl little girl
Daddy always love you.

16th April 2012

I was busy and tired lately.
So just a quick writing my blog here.
Had started my Carb Diet and maintain very well. It give me a result of losing 2 kgs so targeting to achieve 65kgs.
Every tuesday evening go for my Yoga class, every saturday swim for 1km and last weekend bought Dumbbell so will carry weight exercise to build my arms and chest every night.

So called my summer holiday is confirmed. Going to Chiba, Japan on 4th of June till 17th July for training and will squeeze out weekend to travel around.

Been contacting old lover which I shouldnt, well, I still have feeling and love them. After all, they did touched my heart thus I still have love within. Thought I can survive without a lover till 35yo.
Can I? Not sure and see how things go.

Oh yah, been writing a new song again. Had completed the 1st part and working on the 2nd part of the song. Is a song I written for my daughter :) Surprise right? Well, is daddy singing lullaby or daddy love song to daughter :). Hope you like it when I completed and post online.

Goodbye

8th April 2011

I know is been long again since I wrote my last blog and a very sad one. Due to that I make effort of contact friends that important to me a message. Asking them how are they doing etc... I know is bit lame or kind of too late. But late is still better than not doing anything right? One of my friend Jon, whom I know him from Qatar, know bout the story of Ari got cancer, he told me to call him up since I not able to reach there. As he believe, at least a call is still good by hearing each other voice. So last weekend, I did called up Ari, and he did picked up my called. :) We had a short conversation as he is with his neighbours having small gathering at his back yard garden. Ari told me sorry for keeping me worried and promised me he wont give up yet. I'm glad and happy to hear that and told him yes and I believe too as we promised to go United States for holiday together. I told him keep me update bout his status and really hope to see him in person and we put down our phone.

On the other hand, though I did make effort to try meet up friends that important to me. I didnt meet up my white tiger, Terry. He is moving off to Sydney from Thailand. He is got a job in Sydney and gonna lived there next week. He is now in Singapore for 2 days transit to Sydney. He did ask me out to meet him at the bar. Initially, I did plan to go but knowing be meeting with some other of his friends and not able to have nice good time just two of us. I decided not going to meet him and apologised to him. I stick to my resolution "Not going any local gay bar, club or pub". He did ask me why? I just told him, I just dont like those places anymore, I feel emptiness where ever I am there. This is kind of true, but partyly or maybe yeah... In fact, I just dont like seeing nice cute bear there but not for me. Hahaha... so if I not there my feeling wont get hurt... LOL... Did told Jj bout that, he ask why too? And told me I should go, maybe I met a guy I like or be my boyfriend so stopped isolate myself and fussy!

But hey! I not ioslating myself or fussy bout guys there. Is just the timing not right that all, either the guy had a boyfriend, or is a bi-married guy or guy who doesnt lived in Singapore and worst even had guy like Jj who love Buddha!.. Anyway, finding a love or a partner is not easy . This doenst goes just me, is everyone do too. If getting someone you love is so easy, there wont be so many single man, woman, gay or lesbian out there.

Started my caveman diet and also learning YOGA now. Last week was my 1st yoga lesson, didnt know it was so tiring. LOL... Swimming also keep going every saturday swam 1km. So hopefully, can see some body tone and make myself fit again :). Once I look good with my body, will take a album again LOL...

Thats all guys and girls... Kiss and Hugs