End of Feb'12

"Is been so long
  Since from right from wrong...."

Yes, been busy and tired due to work... and putting myself lot of stress. Yup, stress from me, not from my boss or company just ME!!! LOL... Crazy right? I fear of failure that all, fear of back to 0, fear of losing behind others. Anyway, 1st of March, I gonna be a Material Surveyor. Going out to site and start my another job training of surveying Marine Materials. Another training and learning I need to go through and of course I told myself I will survive :)

Lately, few news my old friends send me email and message. My tiger is coming back to Singapore from Thailand and lived in Singapore on end of March '12. I look forward to catch him :). Another of my friend who are retiring at Bangkok, Thailand, he is doing very well and enjoying his lovely life with his boyfriend. Good to hear that and surprise that he did read my blog. Thanks Ron.. I am fine not to worry. :) (Even if I cry, sad and how unhappy am I .. life still goes on and the earth still rotates.. )

A small piece of good news I would say though is nothing new to the people from the west. I finally convince my parents (Mum only and I dont care bout my dad) allowed me to move out when I finacially stable which is age 35 I looking at. As thats the legal age goverment had set to allow single man to purchase a second hand HDB flat apartment. Or maybe I not buying any apartment, moving out of Singapore is another possibilities though chances are small. Hey, who knows ! Either way, I still need to focus savings money for it. So when the time comes and given both choice I am financially available.

Love life seems like many of my good friends wanted to know and talk about it. I give up Singapore white man 90% (I only go for white bear LOL, had confirmed and practically proven as I get soft during the sex with that asian man and thanks to my life-long left and right buddy I make it hard but half way soft again when I fuck, this happen 4 months ago, Oct '11, that asian man damn angry with me).. I find Singapore white man are fooling around and around. Since I know what I want and not looking for a partner/boyfriend for the time being, nowadays I just go for No String Attached fun only sex and nothing else . Last few weeks ago, this NSA white fellow started to sms me morning and night greeting, asking me out for lunch and dinner, and talk to me more bout himself and asking bout myself. Even when he out of Singapore for work and when he back he will sms me to inform me he is back. During those weeks, we didnt meet up for sex but more like purely dating kind. Well, is only I was wondering is he after me? I told a friend of mine, and told him that white fellow name. My friend told me he had a boyfriend who is 24 yo and they are living together. My reply is OK, thats good, this white fellow are just playing around for attention thats all. I not trying to condemn all white man in Sg as I still allow for 10% LOL... is just that there are so many asian man here for white man to chose and even they are attached they still wanna had some taste outside. I maybe wrong with that statement but I not bothered about it as after all that be 5 years later for me to look at things around. As times goes by, everything will be change and so is my way of looking at things and people.

Last week, catch up with Kars, another old buddy (sex buddy since 2005), he is one fellow that I enjoyed with him on bed and kissing. Not to flatter myself, I am a very good kisser and by kissing you can tell how much I wanted to be in love (Shy... LOL). However, Kars did hold himself when we having kisses. It was a deep passionate kiss and a few second, he hold back.. that what I felt. Anyway, I enjoyed that moment as this is what I want more than sex part.

I also have met out with Jj yesterday, he came to Singapore for his transit. He just went Manchester, England and New York City, United States. Honestly, I do enjoyed the company with him as we know each other quiet well. I dont feel we are every been apart even though he lived in Melbourne, Australian and I in Singapore. We know how each other is doing.. or maybe is the Apple's Iphone make communication so easy.  :)

Thats all folks. Good night!!! Lastly, Valentine day I was alone at home sleeping!

Why I feel kind of lost...

Recently, I thought is my job as a trainee that make me feel down... In fact, it is not that.  I misses the old times... have a friend who kind of like a lover. Went over his place spend couple of hours or a night over there... I really really missed that time... Well, you can say go find one new friend of this what so ever you call! But I isolate myself from the gay scene, and even the gay social network (except facebook), so chances of havent that is less possible.

So happen just I am down tonight, my Tiger whom recently left Sg to work in Thailand whatsapp me hehehe.. Guess my god treat me not bad, see me down and send one of my best friend to contact me. He is fine and planning to come back Sg. So which means maybe soon I will have the time I want back, once my Tiger back to Sg.

And re-think bout it.. all those friends that I mentioned enjoying the time in their place for couple of hours or over night. Are once I love and after them, I really do love them. And I know they do love me as well. However, they never come and hold me to their arms because something in their mind hold them back. What is it that holding them back? I'm not sure and is a past, right now maybe they took me as a very good friend and not potential lover anymore.  As for me, my love towards them remain in my heart, you can go ahead to call me a playboy having so many lovers in my mind and heart. Each of them are special and touch my heart like I touch their heart too. If anyone of them hold me and ask me to stay with them. "I DO"

Out with Bert lunch

Today just went out with Bert whom came back from his holiday trip, Osaka, Japan. While walking back to our office buildings area, we were chatting bout white bears.. LOL... and somehow from a normal laughing chat. I changed my tones seriously and told him that is not that no bear that I like dont like or after me as physically I can say I am good looking (Heeeheee). The reason I am single is my character and behaviour is not good and hard to deal with.  Well, people will say then I should change or improved my character or behaviour but I dont want to change unless is I personally want to. Else I dont see why I need to change just bacause I need someone to be with or want to make him like me? I still believe in if the person really like you, he like you whatever you are and vice versa....

This sat Jj is coming to Sg.. gonna early celebrate his birthday and there's goes my pocket/ wallets :(

Tired~~~~~~~~~~

Away from writing blog these days... because I am focussing on my career. There are times, I wanted to write to put my thought out but was tired. Recent event are -

1. Chinese New Year didnt go out movie with any of my good friend :(
2. The quietiest Chinese New Year I ever had, and did had tears drop when she on my mind.
3. Few job mysterious had solve, due to not enough marine industry experience therefore, I was send to other department training till I clock the experience I back to my original post.
4. Disappointed with my Ex.(Jj) out of nothing said that his friend saw me with a date whereby I am not and were at home. I took it as a joke and told him his friend must mistaken me, yet he insist is truth from his friend. I get fed up and reply to him passed that vulgarity words that I wrote to his friends and ask Jj stopped msg me for that night as he really pissed me off.
5. I already feel so lonely, and yet Jj take my lonely as a joke.
6. Missing having friend with benefit like Mel and Kars, used to go spend couple of hours or a night over his place for escaped and relax.
7. My life is now work, home, eat, sleep, weekend out movie... simple and yet not my desired life I look for.