Somehow or somewhere I totally cast myself away from the local gay scene......................
I totally cut myself out from going and making new local gay friends for dating and even sex.
What happen exactly I not sure, but just dont feel like anymore.
I did found my dream life when I was in Sydney, having a lovely man to live with was fantastic and beautiful. However, it does not last long, as I dont live and work there. Anyway, I enjoyed those time, and will come once a while just to dive myself in the dream for awhile. Do I like or love this man, well I do, but I never going to go into along distance relationship again as it never work!!! Lesson learnt LOL....
I thought this New Year 2013, I can make a come back to to my last potential hope but I was wrong.
When you had miss him and miss that opportunity, you out. Even if both of you still keep in touch, but he totally just treat you as friends and nothing more. I dont blame him and others whom I didnt treasure because is all my fault for immaturity.
These days, also notice myself, I getting lesser and lesser of eagerly meeting someone for comfort.
Is it a time for low sex drive? But I still do my milkshake everyday with my right hand man. LOL...
Seriously, I not sure what problem did I had in my brain. I only know once a while, I got pain on my forehead. Maybe I do have some problem in my brain from my last medical blood test result show but the second time I took the blood test is normal. Funny, isnt it. However, I didnt go further for the MRI brain scan, if I gonna die I gonna die.
I also proud of myself for been brave enough to directly hurt my mum feeling. I told her straight that I have no intention of taking care of her when future time come. I planning to leave that house when I 35yo. Either migrate out of SG or move out and live alone, which more suitable for me. However, I promised her that I will give a call once a week like what I had done, when i work in Qatar. She know what happen, I know she in pain but thats the truth and we know that have to be.
Now been trying to plan and thought, how to migrate out and what if I migrate what am I going to do over there? Can I start from zero and build a new career path? Can I found my Mr. Right? Lot of unknown and worried. Perhaps, because I not young anymore and fear of failure. Yet, if I continue living here in SG at this state, with my strong fire wall, not to meet any new man and going out to local scene. I never found that Mr. Right and live the dream I been looking forward. Unless, they come and found me... but how? LOL.. is impossible..as I not active in the gay social network as well except facebook which, I added quite alot of bear but all from other countries.
Lately, I also do some other funny stuff like on facebook, I will not uploaded any picture of me in 2013. Of course, I cant totally stopped if friends took a pic of me and uploaded but I try.
Thats all....
